


Against the odds

by ssa_rtune



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:57:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 37,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1884459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_rtune/pseuds/ssa_rtune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emily died, or did she? What happened to Doyle, and what part is JJ playing, if any, in all of this?</p><p>This was written before the start of Season seven, and therefore is totally my ideas on how it happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Paris

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first story written - and it is for the JJ and Emily pairing. I posted it eon's ago on Fanfiction Net. I am taking the time to actually edit this version. It won't be vastly different to the one on FFN - but I am hoping it'll improve some areas of it slightly. And that I might also pick up on some of the mistakes that were there initially. So, if I still don't find all those mistakes, sorry. I have tried.
> 
> Disclaimer: Criminal Minds, sadly, doesn't belong to me. CBS and others have that honor. I am merely playing in their sandbox, entirely for fun, and get nothing from doing this other than sore hands from typing.

****

**Against the Odds**

_At the end of the day, there are those paths in life, and you have to take one of them, you can't walk down all of them.”_   
_― C. JoyBell C._

**Chapter one**

Having initially watched, JJ couldn't bring herself to look further as Emily stood up and strode out into the Parisian crowds. At the last minute, it took all her self control not to look back as the high booted woman walked off all alone into the night. Instead, she willed her hands to move, and pick up the newspaper that Emily has left behind, knowing it would contain some sort of notice in there for her to find.

Trying to force down the ever increasing worry she had over the plans that had been made, she took a deep breath, stuffed the paper in to her bag, stood up and began to make her way back to her hotel. As she did so, her cell phone began to ring. Looking at the display, JJ couldn't help the torrent of feelings that she always carried around with her these days. The love she had, that was intermingled with hatred that she felt, knowing she was lying to those who cared about her the most – the main BAU team. Even Rossi didn't know the situation, she only had Hotch to confide in. Pushing all her unease down, she answered, waiting for the breathless whirlwind that was about to be unleashed.

“JJ..... so, how is it? Have you made out under the Eiffel tower yet?” Came the rushed words.

Despite all her misgivings, JJ couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Garcia thought JJ and Will were on a romantic trip to Paris, which couldn't be further from the truth. Will had only been told it was a trip to do with her work at the Pentagon, and had reluctantly agreed to be the cover story. He had complied, but JJ was always worried he would say something untoward, and that she'd be left with more awkward questions. JJ also hated that Will would likely use this against her when she did return, but now was not the time to dwell on their relationship, or lack of it. Realizing she'd not said anything, JJ breathed out. “Garcia!” She exclaimed, feeling the blush rise up her neck, and for a split second, felt guilty for once more having lied to her friend about this trip.

“What?” Garcia exclaimed back, sounding indignant.

“Well, what sort of a question is that?” JJ countered, smiling into the phone, beginning to feel as if the world was righting itself, albeit for a short time.

“It's the sort of question the all knowing goddess has to ask, since you've disappeared off to a foreign land, and while I have many talents, even I'm forced to admit, I can't follow you with my trusty computers from here.” Garcia replied.

“Oh, so you aren't omnipresent then?” JJ teased and heard Garcia huff down the phone at her.

“I will have you for that. I could follow you if I really had to, but I would have to cross all kinds of laws and well, basically hack in ways that are frowned upon. Ways you don't want me to have to admit to over an unsecured phone line.” Garcia growled. “Now, spill!” She said more forcefully than before.

“I've got nothing to spill.” JJ admitted, although she didn't want to give anything away.

“W....what..... nothing?” came the spluttered response.

“Garcia, I've only been here a day, give me a chance.”

“I'm disappointed in you.”

JJ could almost see Garcia ruefully shaking her head, and her ever present fluffy topped pen bobbing up and down as she did so.

“Yeah, well, so far all I have to report is a wonderful café that we were just moving away from when you phoned.” JJ said knowing that Garcia would just assume the 'we' was her and Will, not her and Emily, and she quickened her pace towards her hotel as light rain began to fall, wrapping the evening air with an even darker tone than it had been.

“Ohhh,” Garcia breathed down the phone. “Does this mean you should have juicy salacious gossip for me tomorrow then instead?”

“No it does not!” JJ said firmly, “Now I'm going to go, because the hotel room beckons.”

JJ could hear the excited squeal continuing as she ended the phone conversation in the hotel lobby, before she made her way back to her hotel room. Alone.

* * *

Emily moved with purpose through the side streets. The rain had begun to fall as a light drizzle, but it was beginning to turn heavier as she walked. The street lights glistened, almost sparkling in the subdued light. Making her way through areas she knew intimately, most people immediately thought she was a local, coming home after a night out. Looking around her carefully, she began to walk towards the apartment that had been her temporary home for the last couple of weeks.

As Emily approached the doorway, her senses were on full alert, always aware that she could be under threat at any moment. After a quick scan of the area immediately around her, she pushed the key into the grated door that covered the main entrance. Once she was inside, Emily deftly locked the door behind her again. Pausing to check her pigeon hole where post was kept, she was pleased to see there was nothing for her. Just as it should be.

Once inside her apartment, she eventually sunk down into the leather chair that was in her living room, not even bothering to remove her boots, but having taken the time to shrug off her now wet coat.

After a few minutes, Emily moved and placed the envelope that JJ had given her down on to the coffee table just in front of where she sat and then began to pull her boots off. Once she was in her stocking feet, she then moved towards the open plan kitchen. Stopping at the refrigerator, she pulled the door open, and shook her head as she realized there was very little in there. Seeing some eggs, she grabbed them.

“Plain omelet it is then.” Emily forced the sigh that was threatening to come out back down, as she began to cook herself something to eat.

* * *

The candles flickered in the background, but Penelope had really only lit them out of habit, and to add some fragrance to her sitting room. A room that was currently occupied by Reid and Morgan, who had files spread across numerous surfaces.

“Morgan, do you think this is important?” Reid looked up from whatever he was reading, before swinging the file around, so Derek could read it better.

Frowning, Derek took his time to read the area that Spencer had pointed out to him.

“It might be.” Derek admitted. “Good work.” he added.

“What?” Garcia demanded to know as she looked up from her laptop.

“Well, there is reported movement that shows possible Doyle signs.” Derek said in reply.

“About fricking time!” Garcia couldn't contain the excitement she felt.

“It's good to finally see something concrete.” Spencer said, nodding his head slightly.

“Well, considering we are doing this on our own time, with explicit instructions not to track this SOB down, we've done as well as can be expected.” Derek Morgan admitted.

“Do you think Hotch and Rossi know?” Reid asked.

“Know what?” Garcia looked up from her keyboard again, having already gone back to her system.

“That we would ignore the order and try to hunt Doyle down ourselves?” Reid clarified.

“I don't know. They must have some idea that we would consider the possibility.” Morgan sat back and sighed. “By the way, did JJ seem.....” Morgan paused as he searched for the right words. “A little off the other day when we asked her to help us.”

“In her defense she was going on this vacation the day after.” Garcia countered. “She seemed more than eager to help when she got back.”

“Yeah, I guess. I'm just tired of not getting anywhere.” Derek pushed the heels of hands in to his eyes and rubbed, sounding as frustrated as he felt.

“Hey, we'll get there sugar pea.” Garcia said softly, putting her hand out to clasp Morgans. He smiled at her contact and nodded.

“I sure hope so baby, I sure hope so”.

 


	2. Previously On Criminal Minds

**Chapter two**

_Previously ........._

“Emily!” JJ couldn't hide the shock as she opened her back door to find Emily standing there, looking worried.

“Hi.” Was all Emily could manage to say, now a little unsure what she was going to do.

“Come on in.” JJ moved back slightly in to her kitchen, opening the door wider, allowing Emily access.

Moving without further comment, they both began to sit down at the kitchen table.

“Well, this is an unexpected surprise.” JJ said, with a slight smile, feeling bemused as to why Emily was there particularly as she has come to the back door. She then frowned, worried that Emily had managed to get into her backyard without so much as a whisper, how? That mystery would have to wait for another time.

“Sorry about that.” Emily took a deep breath. “Look, I know this is going to sound completely weird, but.......”

“But what?” JJ probed gently when Emily's words faltered.

“I need your help.” Emily admitted.

JJ couldn't stop the look of surprise that crossed her face. She couldn't ever remember hearing Emily ask for help in this way. Sure, she'd asked for advice and help at work and had even spoken to them about some of her personal life, but JJ thought back, and just couldn't remember anything like this. JJ knew immediately, this wasn't just a request about something simple and that whatever the help was about, it was serious.

Sensing JJ's hesitation, Emily began to stand up.

“Look, I'm sorry..... I shouldn't have imposed.....” Emily didn't get any further as JJ stood up quickly.

“No..... of course I'll help you.” JJ said immediately recognizing her lack of reply was being wrongly interpreted. To enforce this, she put her hand out, and her fingers rested lightly on Emily's forearm.

Emily looked down at JJ's fingers, sighed and sat back down, suddenly feeling the weight of the events of the last few days on her shoulders.

“How have you been?” Emily then asked, as she suddenly realized the house seemed quiet.

“Good.” JJ said, knowing this was a stalling tactic on Emily's part, and she was happy enough to go along with it. For now.

“Where's Will?”

“In New Orleans.” JJ admitted, but she didn't elaborate. “Henry's already upstairs, asleep.”

Emily just nodded in response.

“So....” JJ said, trying to prompt Emily.

“Jesus. I don't even know where to begin on this one.” Emily said, before she steeled herself and began to talk further. “I know you will have more ability here than the rest of the team. I know you can get the help I need. My past has come back to haunt me.”

JJ looked shocked, and immediately knew her initial thoughts about how serious this all was were spot on. Using her training, she suppressed the fear that began to creep up.

“The CIA work?” JJ said.

“Yeah.” Emily admitted. “I was..... deep undercover. We were a team detailed to capture someone called Doyle and he has escaped.” As she spoke, Emily pulled the bag she'd brought in with her, where she snatched a file out. “This details a lot of my involvement.”

JJ took the file, trying not to show that her hands were shaking.

“Why me? Why not the team?” JJ asked as she began to slowly open the file.

“Because, I know Doyle. He will want to hurt people close to me. I don't.....” Emily hesitated, the truth catching in her throat. “I don't have close family. The team are my family. If they know, he'll go after them in a flash, it's what he does. This is why I'm also saying now, if you don't want to help me, I'd understand. By helping me, you have to know, you are putting yourself, and those around you in danger. But I am asking you because I know Doyle only knows of my current team but I still consider you family JJ. He doesn't yet know of you, and you have access to stuff that the others can't get to......” Emily paused slightly, and a slight smile crossed her face. “Well, except Garcia.”

JJ smiled at the last comment and nodded before she finally began to read some of the file that Emily had given her.

“He knows where I live. I'm using a trail that I set up some time ago for this sort of eventuality.” Emily couldn't help letting out a strangled laugh, feeling the hysteria was closer to the surface than she had dared to admit. “I had a car stored in a name Doyle won't know about to get here.”

JJ glanced up from her reading.

“So you think you're safe from a tail?” JJ had to ask the question that had begun to nag her.

“Yeah, for now at least. I've also got one other big favor to ask.” Emily admitted.

“Oh?” JJ couldn't think what else might be coming, and also was relieved to know if Emily had gotten into her property without her knowing or tripping the alarm system JJ had insisted on when Henry was born, she was being truthful about not being tailed.

“Can you.....” Emily even managed to look slightly embarrassed. “Could you look after Sergio for me? He's in the car.”

JJ almost laughed at the question, but stopped herself when she saw how much this meant to Emily.

“Of course.” JJ didn't hesitate to answer.

Emily finally began to feel better. She was beginning to put things in motion, and it felt good after all the surprises to be on the front foot for a change. **  
**

A little while later, once Sergio had been rescued from the car, which had also now been parked some distance away, Emily and JJ sat down in the sitting room, glasses of wine in hand. They sat opposite ends of the sofa, facing each other with their legs curled up underneath them.

“So.”

Emily and JJ couldn't help but laugh lightly as they both came out with the same thing.

“So.....” Emily picked the conversation up once the laughter died down. “How's life at the Pentagon?”

“Okay.” JJ admitted, “The job itself is just what most people in my position would love.”

“But.” Sensing JJ's hesitation Emily pressed the question.

“But...... I was forced there. I miss the BAU. Badly.” JJ said. “I've been looking at ways to get back there, and I know Hotch has as well.”

“Hows that going?” Emily wanted to know.

“We have some irons in the fire.” Was as much as JJ would divulge.

“Good to hear.”

A comfortable silence hung for a few more minutes as they both sat with their own thoughts.

“So, what do you want from me?” JJ then asked, needing to move the conversation forward.

* * *

As she stretched out on her hotel bed, JJ remembered the day where Emily had stopped by asking for her help. It was the day where the whole world shifted axis in so many ways, and she still marveled at how she'd manage to get to where they were now. JJ then rolled on to her side, pulled the newspaper off the bedside table, and began to look through the classified section. She didn't even realize she'd begun to cry until the tears fell down on to the paper.


	3. Oh no

**Chapter three**

_Present day._

“Argh, I hate this hair.” Emily muttered as she looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She quickly pulled the brush through it, before heading out into the sitting room. This one was smaller, but just as comfortable as the apartment she'd left in Paris. She stopped to pick up her Glock gun, and automatically, she checked the other gun she kept permanently in her ankle holster, even when sleeping. Satisfied, she left the apartment, ready to begin her continued investigation. She knew the end game was getting closer, and while one part of her was terrified, there was also a sense of relief that it was nearing. From having nothing, there was finally tangible evidence leading her in the right direction. Emily pulled her coat tighter, as the biting wind swept up off the lake that bordered the road she was walking along. Just at that moment, her thoughts were broken by a phone vibrating in her pocket. With a look of annoyance and surprise, Emily answered.

“What?” Her tone was brusque, and she hated it sounded like that. Especially knowing who had called. “I told you not to call.” Emily added, trying to soften her words.

“I know.” Came the reply, “But I was getting worried. We've not heard from you lately.”

Emily stopped walking, pinching the bridge of her nose, before moving into the alcove of a property she was near to get away from the wind.

“You should not have called. I’m fine. Honestly, but you can’t just call if I haven’t had chance to…” Emily stopped as she heard the muffled sounds of what sounded like light crying, “Look I want to talk. I want to be home, but I can’t. Sorry, I’ve got to go.”  
  
Without waiting for an answer, Emily hit the end call button, feeling even worse than she had just scant minutes ago.

* * *

Garcia sat back in her chair, watching the code on the monitor facing her scroll down. It had been a fairly quiet day, but it had given her the chance to do some tweaking of various programs she was currently writing. Her attention was suddenly caught by an alert that sprung up on another monitor to her left. Mouth gaping, Garcia swung her chair around to read the alert.

“Oh......no...... no...... no.” Garcia gasped. “this cannot be happening. It can't. This cannot be right!”.

Garcia sat for a second, momentarily stunned by what had appeared on her screen.

“No, this has to.....” Garcia stopped mid sentence and her hands began to fly across the keyboard attached to that particular monitor.

A few minutes later, JJ looked up from her desk as Garcia barged in to her office.

“We need a meeting now.” Garcia said urgently.

“Well, and hello to you to.” JJ raised her eyebrows as she made the joke, but immediately knew that was the wrong thing to have said.

Garcia's glare was enough to fell an elephant.

“Meeting, now.” Garcia reiterated.

“What? Why?” JJ lent forward slightly, confused for a second.

“You” Garcia's finger stabbed towards JJ. “Me, Morgan and Reid. My office.” Garcia turned and began to walk back out. “Now.” was her parting shot.

JJ sprung up from her desk, knowing only one thing would have Garcia in such a state. Doyle.

Cursing inwardly, JJ hoped that Garcia hadn't stumbled on to something too important. So far, they had been able to feed in false information to the rest of the BAU team, knowing they would, without a doubt, conduct their own investigation. The only downside of this, was knowing that a curve ball, something they couldn't predict was always possible. JJ walked out of her office and stood and looked down at the bull pen. Having seen Garcia storm in and out of JJ's office, Reid and Morgan were already looking up towards where she stood. With a virtually imperceptible nod to show they were needed, both stood up, and began to make their way across to Garcia's room.

“Okay cupcake, where's the fire?” Morgan asked as JJ closed the door behind them.

JJ's stomach was beginning to lurch, as she tried to think on her feet at the possible questions that this was going to bring.

 _You stupid fool._ J thought to herself as it dawned on her what might be causing all this commotion.

“You,” Garcia pointed towards the side monitor “are not going to believe this.”

“Believe what?” Reid's eyebrows knotted in confusion.

“This.” Garcia sounded annoyed that he was even asking the question, and her pen continued to float in front of the side monitor, as if it explained everything.

Reid looked down, squinted, and shook his head.

“Its computer code.” He stated.

“Oh.” Garcia suddenly remembered she'd got it in a code she had written. She hit a few keys and a message popped up. Leaning forward, Morgan read out loud.

“Length, 21.3 seconds. Location: Lucerne, Switzerland. 555-6795”

Morgan's voice sounded as confused as he felt. He turned to Garcia.

“Lucerne, sits alongside Lake Lucerne and it is an area of 15.8 square kilometres or 6.1 sq. miles. Of this area, 11.6% is used for agricultural purposes, while 25.8% is forested. Of the rest of the land, 60.4% is settled....... “ Reid's voice began to trail off as he realized the others were staring at him.

“Yes, well.” Reid muttered, looking down at his hands.

“Back to the message.” Morgan picked up the conversation. “So, what is this?” He queried.

“Well, you know Hotch had the information about the old phones that Emily had, and he gave me the numbers.”

“Yeah, sure.” Morgan nodded, glancing back at the message as he did so.

“Well,” Garcia sounded slightly sheepish at the admission she was about to make. “I kinda forgot, I had done a program to run in the background, meant to alert me if anything came on for more than 12 seconds.”

“I thought it was 15 seconds.” Reid interrupted.

“It was, but I'm working to improve that. It's down to 12 seconds and counting.” Garcia said proudly.

“I'm assuming then that this is a hit on one of those phones?” Morgan suddenly knew where the conversation was heading.

“Oh, the boy shoots and scores.” Garcia said proudly, looking triumphant.

“But why? Why was an old phone activated, especially so long after the event?” Reid asked.

JJ cleared her throat.

“I think I might have an answer for that.” she said.

Morgan, Reid and Garcia all turned to look at her. JJ could have sworn they could see right through the lie the second it left her lips.

“I suspect Langley have activated it.” JJ tried not to show her mouth had gone dry all of a sudden.

“Why would they do that?” Garcia demanded to know.

“Perhaps to try and convince Doyle Emily is still alive somewhere to draw him out.” JJ could have sworn her voice was squeaking.

“That would make sense.” Reid said thoughtfully, “After all, she'd killed off Lauren before. This might be a way to get him to think the same thing was being done.”

“That's sick.” Garcia couldn't stop the tears springing up as she spoke.

“Sick it might be, using Emily's death as a ruse, but sometimes......” JJ's words faltered and she walked out of the room before her emotions could overwhelm her completely.

 


	4. Where to go

**Chapter four.**

Completely exhausted, JJ was just pleased to finally be back at home. Hotch was out in the field, and the conversation in Garcia's office had taken its toll. It had then been made worse when Garcia had tracked JJ down asking if she was okay, and JJ having to tell her it was just a blip and she was fine, and Garcia should go back to work. Once back home, JJ had gone up to check on Henry, who had helped anchor her back to some solid ground. She had also said goodbye to her Aunt, who was now also working in the area, and often popped across to help her with Henry when she was working. Finally, with the house to herself, she sat down on the sofa, rested her head back and closed her eyes, before tears could actually fall. Letting out a breath, within seconds, her mind wandered to the first night Emily had turned up.

* * *

“So, what do you need from me?”

“A good start is somewhere I can sleep just for tonight.” Emily admitted.

“That one is easy enough. The guest bed is always made up.” JJ answered. As she spoke, she suddenly realized how tired Emily was looking. The signs were subtle, Emily was so good at not showing too much emotion, but JJ knew it was a deep seated tiredness, the sort that seeped into your bones, and could make it feel as if everything was running through treacle.

“Look, lets leave the really serious stuff for now. You can stay for tonight, and as long as you want to.” JJ added.

“Thanks.” Emily smiled, “But I dare not stay more than one night. My movements could be picked up at any moment, and the less time I'm here, the better for you.”

“Okay.” JJ said slowly as she gave it some thought, not liking what Emily was saying. “How about a compromise, you stay just tonight and tomorrow. Will that be okay?”

Emily was thinking about it all, and was about to reply when JJ jumped in again.

“Please, think about it. You know they are working surveillance of some sort on you. You're already taking some counter measures. Now, I might not have worked out in the field like you have, but I do know that the chances of them finding you here are no worse for forty eight hours than just twenty four.”

“Believe me, Doyle has an extensive network. In this instance, the statistics do not go in my favor. The only way I can do this is to keep moving, and more importantly, you've got a young child in the house. There is absolutely no way I'm going to put you all in danger. It's easier for me........ Because, apart from Sergio, who I know you'll look after, it is just me.”

Even though Emily said what she did as flatly as possible, JJ could see just how much that sentence had hurt Emily. She felt her stomach tighten, knowing how much her friend right now needed her, but the situation meant she was going to be alone for a lot of what was about to come.

“Okay, but please just do this one thing for me. Let me help in any way I can. You'll need some sort of backup out there.” JJ said.

“Thanks, it means a lot.” Emily admitted with a smile, “But you have to promise me one thing in return. The others are not to know, under any circumstances. I can't have their blood on my hands.”

JJ just nodded, hating that she was about to be lying to not just former colleagues, but people who had become her friends, but recognizing it was the only way they could go, for now at least.

“So, how are we going to go about this?” JJ looked across at Emily, trying to work out what was going to happen.

“I need to disappear.” Emily didn't hesitate in her reply.

“That's extreme isn't it?” JJ was shocked at what Emily had just said, and didn't try to hide it.

“Doyle has made one mistake. He has come on to my territory, and I intend to fight him, but I can only do that part alone. It means I have to disappear, go back underground and work at getting angles that are not going to be following the law at times. You have to understand, there can only be two outcomes from this. Either I kill Doyle......”

“Or?” JJ prompted Emily to finish, knowing she was already dreading the reply.

“He kills me.”

“Jesus, there surely has to be another way to go about this?” JJ looked shocked, “Can't we use the CIA to help?”

“I've already been in contact with the old team. Doyle...” Emily faltered slightly, “he has killed members already, and I know I'm going to be the end game kill because of our history. The CIA are not going to be able to catch him, because they don't know him like I do. I know his weak points, where he is vulnerable. Don't take this the wrong way, but if I can't catch him, no-one can.”

JJ didn't doubt that Emily believed what she was saying with every fiber of her body, but she still couldn't get her head around the conversation. She could also sense there was something Emily wasn't telling her.

“And?” JJ asked.

“Part of what I'm about to tell you something no-one else knows.” Emily began to chew a fingernail, realized what she was doing and stopped. “When our assignment had finished, the file went to Interpol. They sent it back because they wanted more information. I couldn't give it to them. Doyle had a son called Declan, and I knew they would use him as a pawn against Doyle. I couldn't let that happen, so I killed him.”

“You did what!” JJ was so shocked; she didn't realize she had raised her voice.

“Let me finish, please.” Emily pleaded.

Taking a deep breath, JJ nodded, drinking her wine down and filling her glass up, this time not even attempting to stop her hand shaking as she did so.

 


	5. Help

**Chapter five.**

“I knew that Doyle would never give up trying to track Declan down, and neither would Interpol or the CIA. He was just a kid JJ, an innocent kid....”

“You loved Declan didn't you?” JJ said, sensing it as Emily spoke.

“Yeah, I did.” Emily admitted. “And I also had to protect him, and I knew the only way was to kill him.” Emily watched as JJ visibly winced at her words, “So, I staged his death, sent in the pictures and he is now living somewhere, with the only person he knows as his mother, and only I know where they are. It's something even the rest of the team didn't know about and I planned it that way. I effectively went rogue to achieve it, and I'd do it again if I had to.”

JJ felt the breath leaving her body, having not even realized she'd been holding it. The relief she felt was enormous. Emily wasn't the monster she had just imagined, tearing apart 5 years of friendship in a second, this was Emily JJ knew, and the reprieve was more than she could ever remember feeling.

“So, that's why you're doing this. To protect Declan.” JJ suddenly said.

“That, and to protect the family I have here as I've already said. I wouldn't even be talking to you, but I also know I've got to take this risk, because I can't do this alone.”

“Let me talk to Hotch.” JJ pleaded.

“No. I can't let you.” Emily dropped her feet back down to the floor.

“Emily, look at me, I know Hotch. He stood in my corner when no-one would, as Strauss could only see a feather in her cap, not the bigger picture. If there is one thing I've learned about Hotch over the years it's, he's stickler for the rules when he has to be, he'll sure as hell bend them as far as needed, without breaking them, but most of all, and you need to listen to this bit, he's damn loyal to his team. To a fault.”

Emily glanced back up to look at JJ, not only slightly surprised to hear her swear, but also knowing JJ was talking the truth, but still couldn't bring herself to admit it.

“Just think about it tonight. Please?” JJ asked, and was pleased to see Emily nodding.

* * *

“Sshhh, Emily, it's okay.”

Emily woke up to find JJ on her haunches next to the bed, her hand resting lightly on Emily's arm. Fighting the tiredness, that was still making her feel unsteady, Emily moved and sat up in the bed. JJ then moved position and perched on the edge of the bed.

“That must have been one hell of a bad dream.” JJ said in as light a tone as possible, and a slight smile on her face.

“I know you're not going to believe this, but I can't remember!” Emily admitted with a shrug of her shoulders. “I don't remember my dreams. Well, I do, but rarely. One thing I don't worry about is remembering the nightmares from our work. Do you remember asking me how I coped, and I said I guess I could compartmentalize better than most, this is one reason. That and CIA training.” Emily sounded bitter at the last comment.

“I don't think I've ever met anyone who doesn't remember their dreams.” JJ looked incredulous. “I remember mine vividly...... unfortunately.”

“One of the traits that I get from my mother that I’m not disappointed about. Sorry for disturbing you.” Emily suddenly sounded embarrassed.

“Hey, don't worry about it. Apart from anything else, you've got to remember I've got a toddler in the house, so nightmares and the bogeyman are regular events.” JJ laughed as she spoke.

“Great, I'm being compared to a 3 year old.” Emily grumbled, although JJ could hear the humor behind it.

“Actually, thinking about it, you do remind me of Henry. Grumpy without warning, petulant at times when you can't get your own way, you love geeky things....” JJ stopped as Emily punched her lightly on the upper arm.

“Hey, I am not...” Emily made sure she empathized the last bit, “that bad!”

“Hhmm, maybe not thinking about it,” JJ said with a wicked look on her face, “At least I know what I've got to look forward to when Henry is a teenager.”

JJ jumped off the bed as she spoke, and it was just in time as one of the pillows swung through the air, so close that JJ could feel the change in air pressure on her skin as it went by.

“I resent that, take it back.” Emily demanded, still holding the pillow.

“Nope.” JJ winked as she walked towards the doorway, then without another word, walked out, and as she closed the door, she heard a soft thud as the pillow fell to the floor after hitting the door.

“Damn you Doyle,” Emily muttered under her breath as she sunk down back in to the bed, “Damn you to hell.”

* * *

“Morning.”

JJ looked up from the table, where Henry was trying to make as much mess as possible with his breakfast.

“Hey,” JJ went back to wiping milk from around Henry's mouth and hands.

“Hi little man.” Emily came across and kissed Henry on his cheek.

“Emmi.” Henry looked surprised and pleased at the same time.

Emily then sat down opposite, having already grabbed a large mug of coffee, which she put in front of her.

Henry looked up at JJ, who smiled.

“Emily had to stay the night, and we've also got Sergio staying with us for a while.” JJ explained to him as quickly as possible.

“Sorry, I've got to get him ready, my aunt is coming to pick him up in a few minutes.” JJ then turned apologetically to Emily.

“Don't worry about it.” Emily said. “Go do what you have to.”

“Thank you.” JJ mouthed as she got Henry down and began to get him and his things together for the day.

“So, how are you?” JJ asked as she eventually flopped down at the kitchen table, also nursing a large mug of coffee.

“Doing okay.” Emily said with a reassuring smile.

“Did you think any more about bringing Hotch in to this?” JJ probed.

Emily tilted her head slightly as she formulated a reply.

“I don't know.....” her voice drifted off.

JJ felt some tension lift. By not giving an outright denial of help from Hotch, knowing Emily was thinking about it was a step in the right direction. JJ knew she had something she could work on.

 


	6. Boston

**Chapter six**

Emily saw the leg of the table had snapped off. Grabbing it, she swung with all her might, hitting Doyle in the face three times, but her hands were covered in blood, she couldn't hold on, and it flew out of her hand. Sensing Emily had lost it, Doyle reached out, grabbed the wood, and punching upwards, speared Emily.

“Where is he, where's Declan?” Doyle demanded as Emily staggered, struggling to even breathe. She couldn't hold herself up any longer, and eventually fell to the floor.

 _'This is it.'_ Emily found herself thinking, and then she could hear Doyle talking again.

“Where is he? Where's Declan? Emily? Tell me, tell me.” Doyle moved over Emily as he spoke, desperation beginning to creep in to his voice “Where is he? Emily, tell me where he is.”

“No.” Was as much as Emily could moan, aware there was gunfire in the distance before losing sense of what was going on around her.

“I got her..... I got her in the basement on the south side, I need a medic” were the next words Emily heard, as she tried to focus but couldn't, and knew she was beginning to go in to shock.

“Prentiss.”

“Derek.” Was all she could mumble, as Morgan fought the panic he was feeling.

“Hey, its me, I'm right here, you're going to be all right. Stay with me baby, c'mon stay with me”

“Let me go.” Emily looked at Morgan with all the strength she could muster.

“No, no – I am not letting you go.”

Emily had to close her eyes, as she began to lose even more strength, hearing Morgan shout out.

“Help me,” Morgan turned back to Emily. “Listen to me, I know why you did all this, I know what you did for Declan.

Emily couldn't quite believe what he was saying. Had JJ or Hotch told the team? She managed to force her eyes open, and knew that Morgan did know.

“I am so proud of you. Do you understand that, I am proud of you because you are my friend and you are my partner,”

Emily's couldn't hold on any longer, and began to close her eyes, letting the darkness she'd been fighting begin to claim her.

“No. Emily, stay with me. If you can hear me, please just squeeze my hand......Yes, there you go, there you go baby, just keep squeezing.”

'Just let me go', Emily wasn't even sure if the voice was just in her head, or if she'd been able to say it out loud. 'Please'.

* * *

Emily began to stir, and she was aware of noise around her, but she couldn't quite focus enough to work out what it was. Then she grasped she could hear her own heart beating, and knew then she was still alive, but even now wasn't sure how she felt about that. Suddenly there was movement, and Emily also became aware someone had appeared at her side, and that's when she also realized she wasn't lying down flat on her back as she would have expected, but was lying on one side. Struggling to open her eyes, which felt sticky, Emily could just make out a person, but she had no idea who or where she was.

“You're awake. Good.” The voice wasn't one Emily immediately recognized, and for a split second she panicked, but within seconds, a reassuring hand rested on her arm.

“You're safe.” Was all they said gently. “You'll be asleep again soon, but there will be someone here when you wake up.”

Emily didn't remember any more as sleep did indeed claim her.

“Hey.”

This time Emily knew who was talking to her, and relaxed. She found as she opened her eyes, that she was feeling decidedly better than she had the first time around, albeit still very groggy.

“Where am I?” Emily managed to ask.

“At a safe house.” JJ couldn't keep the relief out of her voice as she spoke. “Only Hotch, me and a very select medical team know about it.”

Trying to move, Emily immediately regretted it, and couldn't stop the moan escaping her lips.

“Stay where you are for now.” JJ sat down on a chair that had been pulled up alongside the bed. “You're lucky considering, but you've still suffered a significant wound.”

“I don't feel lucky.” Emily managed to say. “I feel like I've been stabbed in the guts.”

JJ could tell Emily was using humor as an attempt to divert attention from what was happening, and couldn't help but smile, knowing it was so typical of her.

“Perhaps it's because you have been.” JJ answered keeping her tone light. “They wanted you on your side for a while at least. Something about keeping pressure off the area you were stabbed. You need to try and stay still for a while. You've also got a contraption that allows you to self medicate pain killer.” Moving, she gently put the hand that didn't have the IV needle catheter stuck in it across to the button and watched as Emily's fingers clasped around it.

“You just push the button. It will regulate how much you get, so you can't overdose.” JJ didn't want to be this serious, but had to make sure Emily knew what was going on.

“Can I have a drink?” Emily asked, suddenly sensing just how thirsty she felt.

“Sorry, you're not allowed until the doctor clears you, and that isn't going to be for a day or so yet but I can get you some ice chips if you want.” JJ said.

“No, don't bother.” Emily knew it would be worse to have something, that it would just make her feel more thirsty than she did already. She then thought back to her last moments before being stabbed.

“Doyle?” Emily asked, but she already knew the answer because of where she was and what JJ had already told her.

“He got away.” JJ said simply, knowing Emily would want the truth. “You're now officially dead.”

* * *

Emily woke up, without any idea of how long she'd been asleep. Still feeling groggy, she tested how she felt moving, and deciding she could cope, shifted position and even managed to sit up slightly. She took in her surroundings, and the first thing she noticed was JJ asleep in another bed set up alongside hers. You could also see there were at least three things attached to her IV catheter. She knew one would be to the pain killer, and she could just make out one of the bags had antibiotics printed on it. She assumed the other bag was to allow for fluids. She tried to move herself up to a better sitting position, but only managed to hurt herself, and a cry of pain escaped her lips. JJ woke up almost instantly, springing out of her bed.

“Emily,” She admonished, “What do you think you're trying to do.”

“Move, what does it look like.” Emily replied angrily not even caring at this point how crabby she sounded.

“Tetchy aren't we,” JJ shook her head, as she gently pushed Emily back down the bed. “Now, for gods sake, get some rest.”

“Yes Mom.” Emily managed to give a small salute as well, making JJ smile.

“I am most definitely not you're mother,” JJ said.

“No, you're most certainly not.” Emily said, with a grin and a glint in her eye that made JJ pause. Before JJ could ask what Emily had meant, her eyes were closing again and she was asleep.


	7. Grown into the job

**Chapter seven.**

“Have you noticed something about JJ since she's been back?” Reid asked Morgan and Garcia as they sat in the canteen for lunch.

“Like what?” Morgan asked.

“She has grown up more.” Reid wasn't even sure that was the right way to describe it.

“If you mean she looks even more powerful and even more able to metaphorically and literally kick ass, I would say most certainly.” Garcia said with a firm nod of her head. “Like, have you seen the clothes she wears these days around the office.” Garcia's eyes widened as she spoke, “I have to wonder, whatever happened to our good ol' small town girl!”

“Reid's right, she's all grown up.” Morgan admitted. “There's a confidence in the way she carries herself that wasn't always there before, but you can still tell its the old JJ, just better, stronger. She might not have wanted the move to the pentagon, but its made her character toughen up, but not in a bad way. It shows out in the field as well.” He added.

“If I was inclined to bat for the other side, she would make me look twice, actually, it would only be once! I mean, the confidence she exudes, the shoes and power suits she's wearing now...... hubba hubba!” Garcia then said, making Reid choke on a mouthful of coffee.

“Oh come on,” Garcia laughed at Reid's discomfort. “She is gorgeous, and as much as she's like a sister to me, if there was anyone to take me off the straight and narrow it would be.....” Morgan nudged Garcia as she spoke.

“Talk of the devil.” He waved across the tables, “Hey JJ, over here.”

JJ smiled and walked towards them all. Sitting down, she could tell there was something up.

“Did I miss anything?” JJ asked, looking puzzled.

“No, nothing.” Garcia managed to say innocently, making Reid look at her with a slight frown.

“Ok.....ay.” JJ said slowly, “Have I suddenly grown two heads or something?” She moved her head from side to side looking over her shoulder as she spoke, to illustrate the point.

“No.” Morgan said quickly. “We were just talking about dress sense. Or in Garcia's case, the lack of it.”

“Hey, low blow, very low blow.” Garcia protested.

* * *

Later that day, JJ came through the front door and up the stairs, and could hear the commotion as she walked.

“At least let me walk to the bathroom, and then I can get one damn catheter out!”

“Miss Prentiss....... Emily!” 

Hearing the doctor falter like he did, JJ cringed, wondering just how bad that particular glare had been. She could see in her mind his hands going up in some sort of attempted peace gesture. Then she smiled as she heard Emily growl, "It's Agent."

“I was going to ask how she was, but I guess I've just got my answer.” JJ whispered.

“She has been like this all day.” The nurse also whispered standing alongside JJ who was now in the hallway. “This is when the word patient is an oxymoron.”

JJ and the nurse then both flinched in unison at the string of swear words that they then heard.

“I didn't know there were that many swear words in the world.” JJ muttered, as she heard Emily continue in other languages, and she could only assume they were a continuation of what they had already heard in English.

“How many languages does she speak?” The nurse asked.

“Six, which means she could keep this up for a while yet.” JJ replied, and then she looked at the door, “I'm going in.”

“Good luck!” Came the reply with a look of pure sympathy.

Seeing JJ walk through the door, Emily stopped in mid-sentence.

“JJ. Get. Me. Out. Of. Here!” Emily then hissed, punctuating every word.

“No!” JJ then turned to the doctor and ignored the look Emily had thrown her. “How is she?”

“Getting better, but she still needs full bed rest.”

“But.....” Emily began to protest, and JJ turned back to face her.

“Emily, be quiet, please.”

The request was said in such a quiet but authoritative voice, Emily found herself stopping her tirade, sighed and shook her head.

“You're all monsters.” Emily muttered, but she sat back against the pillows on the bed.

JJ noticed how grateful the doctor looked at Emily's compliance.

“I will agree to allowing her to go to the bathroom....” He was interrupted by a sarcastic, “Hallelujah.” from Emily.

“Shut up.” JJ turned around and this time didn't try and hide her annoyance. Emily glared back, but didn't say anything more.

“But, she will have to be accompanied if she does.” The doctor continued, “And the IV should be okay to come out in a couple more days. I have taken all but the antibiotics off now, but that is a substantial wound, and if she tries to do too much too soon, it could cause a lot of problems, including a hernia or ripped internal stitches.”

“I don't need help.” Emily looked at JJ, who was standing alongside the bed, the doctor and nurse having left.

“You do, and you are getting it. I'm your nurse for tonight. Be grateful the doctor has given you this much leeway. If you were in the regular hospital, there is no way you'd be allowed to do this.” JJ insisted, as she put her hand out, gripping Emily's elbow, to help steady her as she stood up from the bed.

“I'd be signing myself out from there if I was.” Emily grumbled, but didn't dare admit standing up had taken a lot out of her, far more than she'd thought it would and she was beginning to think that the bathroom, albeit just a short distance away, was suddenly looking like a gaping chasm.

Emily eventually sank back in to the bed, trying to hide how wobbly she felt, and couldn't believe how such a simple task had wiped her energy. She was so tired and the latest pain killing injection the doctor had given her as a replacement to self medication was beginning to work, making her even more groggy. She wasn't even aware that JJ was beginning to change her dressings until she heard a slight gasp. Opening her eyes, Emily could tell that JJ was looking at her left breast and the burn where Doyle had branded her.

“It looks worse than it is.” Emily said softly.

JJ looked up, and she didn't even attempt to hide the tears that sprang up in her eyes.

“I.....” JJ stopped, “I heard about it, I just wasn't prepared about how I would feel seeing it.” JJ admitted.

“Hey, its just a reminder as to why we're doing what we are.” Emily said with feeling. “As long as I have that mark, it will always remind me of what we had to do, and I'm okay with that, because we're saving an innocent life.”

“I'm not sure I could be that stoic.” JJ admitted.

“I can't change what happened,” Emily shrugged slightly, “So I choose to use it as strength, and not my weakness.”

 


	8. Recovery

**Chapter eight.**

Eventually, Emily slept, and JJ caught up on some paperwork while she watched over her. She then heard Emily begin to stir, so put the pen and file she'd been reading down. Leaning across from the seat, she put her hand across Emily's.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better.” Emily moved and swallowed hard, trying not to show her pain.

“Hhmm, you don't look better.” JJ said, seeing how pale Emily was, and also recognizing the look of pain that had crossed her face.

Emily just sighed, and tried to reposition again, this time managing to be slightly more successful.

“What time is it?” Emily asked, suddenly aware she had managed to lose track of what time of the day it was, let alone day of the week. She could place events that had happened since she'd been there, but they just blurred in to one memory.

“11 at night.” JJ answered, looking at her watch.

“Shouldn't you be at home with Henry and Will?”

“I'm here for the night, and I popped in to see Henry before I came here, and he just thinks I'm out on another case for a few days,” JJ said. “And Will is still in New Orleans.”

“Oh.” Emily didn't know why, but she could just sense there was something more in what JJ was telling her, but she hadn't actually said it out loud.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Emily asked quietly, not even meaning to have come out with anything, but the question was asked before she could stop herself.

“There is nothing to really talk about.” JJ sighed and decided to be honest about it, “Will and I are great friends, but there were too many obstacles in our way. I guess it is never easy to admit to yourself that the person you fell in love with isn’t the one person who will make you happy forever; its easier to tell yourself that so long as you are together, everything will be okay. I found out the hard way it doesn’t work like that, there are only some many times a couple can paper over the cracks before it begins to tell. I love that I have Henry and don't regret that at all, and Will is a good father and I love him, I'm just not in love with him. We simply didn't work out. Had it not been for Henry, it's likely we would have broken up long before."

“I'm so sorry.” Emily said sincerely. “God this job sucks for people and relationships.”

“Tell me about it.” JJ shook her head, “Just another statistic. You've got the right idea, if it wasn't for Henry, I'd be like you and get a cat!”

“I can still remember the conversation we were having about me getting a cat, I didn’t think I would though. We could always share.” Emily said, with a grin.

“Feels like we are already sharing.” JJ laughed. “And Henry thinks he is adorable, and fortunately I've yet to see him strangling Sergio in a vice grip or hug. Amazingly, Sergio has been really tolerant.”

“He is a pretty laid back cat.” Emily replied.

“You should take lessons from him.” JJ teased, and was pleased to see Emily beginning to relax as she then laughed.

“I've been pretty bad haven't I.” It was a statement rather than a question.

“Uh huh.” JJ nodded. “Bear with sore head comes to mind.”

“How are the rest of the team?” Emily asked after a minute or two of silence.

“Still struggling,” JJ admitted, “And I feel so guilty every single time we sit down, talk or even look at each other and I just hold on to when we actually manage to sit around and have a normal conversation, but it still hurts. I've got to admit, if I hadn't been away and learned what I have, there is no way I could have done this. Rossi, god I don't think many people can penetrate his mask, Morgan is like a angry bull rampaging around and I'm just waiting for the explosion; it's just a question of when. Reid is quiet and just doesn't interact like he normally does and I can tell its eating him up inside, and Garcia will just cry without warning, even though she tries to cover up her emotions.”

“You do know they are going to be hunting Doyle down don't you. Nothing Rossi, Hotch and least of all Strauss says is going to change that.” Emily said, trying not to let the emotion of knowing how the team were feeling affect her.

“We know. Hotch has already put a couple of false leads up, just in case.” JJ sighed. “I know we're doing the right thing, but I can't help but think they are just going to hate me.” JJ couldn't say 'us, or when this was over'; because she knew that there was still a very strong possibility that Emily wouldn't come back from this.

“They are going to hate me more.” Emily said.

“You?” JJ shook her head. “No, they won't. They might want to kill you all over again and I don't blame them,” she joked for a second before being serious again, “but they won't hate you, and if they do it won't be for long, and if things don't........” JJ faltered.

“Don't what?” Emily pressed.

“Work out, they aren't going to know any different are they, because it will be real.” JJ choked on the last word, and Emily reached out ignoring the discomfort it was causing, pulling her in to a hug.

“I'll be back.” Emily said softly, “whatever it takes.”

JJ looked up and found two dark pools staring back at her, scanning her face, looking straight in to her own eyes. JJ could have sworn at that moment Emily was actually looking in to her soul, digging out her darkest secrets, prodding and finding something even JJ couldn't get a handle on. It felt as if all the markers she had in her life were being stripped away, layer by layer. It made JJ shudder involuntarily and she gulped for air, trying to ignore the sensations that her body was sending. Pulling slightly away, JJ was able to break the contact, and she gathered her composure. Emily also felt a current of something surge through her, and also found she was floundering, and was grateful JJ pulled away when she did. Emily coughed slightly to cover her own embarrassment.

“Thanks for the hug.” JJ felt she had to say something, anything to cover the uneasy silence that had settled.

“Any time.” Emily said, and knew she meant it, and she was pleased to see JJ smile, and the awkwardness disappeared almost as quickly as it has descended.


	9. Ripples in the pond

**Chapter nine**

Already feeling rotten through lack of sleep and worry about Emily, JJ rushed through the maze of corridors wondering just how much more she could cope with. She could hear the commotion well before she actually got there having had a frantic phone call from Garcia who had seen it beginning to unfold on the internal CCTV monitors. Fortunately it sounded as if security already had it under control, and it was obviously a shouting match going on rather than anything else. Finally and a little out of breath, JJ rounded the corner to see the fracas for herself.

Slowing down to a walk and trying to bring her breathing under control, she solemnly went over to the group all standing in the corridor heading out towards the main entrance.

“Morgan, what the hell are you up to?” she said in a very low warning tone, making everyone stop dead and listen to what she had to say.

"He..." Morgan glared at the man in front of him, who JJ recognized as being called Steve, "Said that Emily was dead because she was asking for trouble by her actions."

JJ sighed, knowing this wasn't what she needed to be dealing with. She looked across at Steve.

"Is that true?" She questioned.

"Yeah." Steve said, sounding defensive. "If she didn't do...."

"Enough." JJ's eyes narrowed, and her irises reflected the sound of her voice which had gone icy cold, and Steve knew he was better off shutting right up than saying anything more.

"Morgan, get back to your desk, we'll talk about this later. Steve, I suggest you get out of here, and don't...." JJ dropped her voice to an even lower warning tone. "you ever say something about an agent who you know nothing about again or you will have more than the wrath of Morgan to deal with but the whole of BAU with me heading the line. Do I make myself clear."

Steve simply cleared his throat, nodded and walked off. Morgan looked across at her.

"Sorry." Was all he said before he turned and went back towards the office.

Nodding, JJ turned and started to make her way back to her own room, “God damn testosterone I do not need this! Not today!” JJ grumbled as she went.

* * *

Later, she walked out looking down at the bull pen, saw Morgan and gestured to him to her office. Morgan got up slowly, hearing a faint “Good luck” from Reid as he went.

“Just what the hell do you think you were playing at Morgan.” JJ didn't even give him a chance to properly close her door before she launched in to him.

He stood there, looking even more embarrassed than she thought possible, but by now her anger was at full throttle.

“It's about Emily, I just can't deal with it. She effectively died in my arms. I was the last person she ever saw, and I can't get it out of my head.” He eventually admitted, sinking down on the chair. “What if I had got there even 30 seconds earlier....” His voice trailed off.

“You know you can't think like this, and that it is no excuse.” JJ countered, “You need to get a grip on this Derek. Hotch has already spoken to you about it when he first talked to everyone, and this isn't going to help you're case when Strauss hears about it. And mark my words, she is going to hear about this.”

Morgan looked up, suddenly realizing what JJ was saying to him, and was shocked because it hadn't even crossed his mind.

“I didn't think......”

“Yeah, we know about you and not thinking. The next time, engage brain before you set off.” JJ softened her tone, before perching on the edge of her desk. “I know this has been hard, and we're all dealing with it in different ways, but with Hotch away on assignment, Rossi on holiday and me being left in charge, I'm making it compulsory that you get further psych evaluation.”

“What?” Morgan looked up, anger bubbling again.

“I don't want to do this, but I need to have something to fight Strauss with. I can guarantee she is going to question if you're fit for duty, and this is the only way I know of negating that argument. This isn't a take it or leave it offer.”

“Fine.” Morgans reply was curt and without another word got up from his chair, and stalked out of the office. JJ sighed, sat back down and brought her hands up to her head, before leaning down and resting on the desk.

“Emily,” she mumbled. “What have we done?”

* * *

As dusk was descending, JJ walked towards the bedroom door, please that this time, it all sounded a lot calmer than it had done of late.

“Hotch”. JJ said as way of greeting as she entered the room.

“She's sleeping.” Hotch said quietly as he stood up from his position at Emily's bedside, “Lets go over here to talk.”

They both moved across to a desk and a couple of chairs tucked away in a corner of the room.

“How is she?” JJ queried.

“Physically, better, with no obvious complications, which the doctor is pleased about but her temper is still taut.” Hotch admitted.

“Why am I not surprised.” JJ brought a file out of her bag as she spoke, which she placed on the desk and opened up.

“I've managed to clear one identity for Emily.” JJ then pulled a driving license, passport and other documents out, “I'm pretty certain we can get other ID's generated without raising suspicion when she is out in the field, but I know this ID is clean, there is no way it can be tracked back to her, unlike any older CIA covers she had, and will get her out of the country.”

“Good.” Hotch sounded pleased. “I've also spoken to the Ambassador about securing funding....... “

“You spoke to my Mother?”

JJ jumped at Emily's raised voice. She and Hotch then both twisted around in the chairs to face her.

“Yes, we have.” Hotch said calmly, which seemed to incense Emily further.

“Hello, I'm here. No one thought to check with me first. I'm still alive.....” Emily halted for a second, “for fucks sake.” The last bit sounded more like something she was saying to herself.

“We know that,” And JJ again marveled at his calm persona as Hotch replied and stood up, “and we are trying to keep you alive, so I took the decision to talk to your mother in confidence. I know you will argue this, but unlike even the deepest undercover operations, even the deny at all stage sort of operation like you were involved with previously, this one can't be sanctioned financially at any level. You're mothers involvement has solved that problem and gives you and us a freedom we would not have had, and will allow us to get Doyle.”

“You had no right.” Emily's anger remained unabated.

“Oh god, not you as well.” JJ's own temper finally snapped. “I've had enough of petulant children today, Morgan was bad enough earlier, you're insufferable.”

Hotch raised an eyebrow at the mention of Morgan but knew now wasn't the time to ask.

JJ's outburst shocked Emily enough for her own temper to dissipate, and Hotch knew it was okay to broach the subject again.

“I know you want to get out of here, and I know you want to face this head on. We all do Emily, but please, allow me to do my job.”

Looking suitably sorry, Emily just nodded. Taking it as her acceptance of the situation. Hotch turned back to JJ.

“Leave the file in the desk drawer so I can read it all tomorrow. And I want a full report on Morgan.”

Without waiting for a reply, Hotch walked out of the room and headed home.


	10. Feelings emerge

**Chapter ten**

“I guess your temper hasn't improved.” JJ said as she tidied up the file, leaving it in the drawer as instructed.

“Yeah, well..... I hate that my Mother is involved. I know what Hotch says makes perfect sense, but she will hold this over me forever!” Emily stopped and then sighed, “I know I can fly off the handle at times, I know it's irrational, but I'm just so damn frustrated, at everything.” Emily weakly flapped a hand around her, energy levels unable to keep going.

“You really are the female version of Morgan, you do know that don't you?” JJ asked as she moved to sit down by the bed.

“I don't go out and have one night stands with women,” Emily spluttered.

JJ barked out a laugh, “I wasn't suggesting you're a womanizer, just you've got his temper and recklessness at times, although if there is something you're not telling me.” JJ then joked.

“I.....” Emily suddenly shut up, not wanting to take the conversation any further.

“What?” JJ looked confused at Emily's reaction to her comment, and she could sense a sudden unease had once again crept in around them.

“Nothing.” Emily then clammed up further, and JJ could see it in her eyes.

“”What?” JJ knew something had just completely shifted, but she just couldn't gauge anything from Emily other than discomfort, and that in turn made JJ uncomfortable.

“I said, nothing.” Emily said, her temper beginning to rise again.

As Emily spoke, JJ had been replaying the whole scene from when she walked in, trying to work out what had changed, and something began to dawn on her.

“Oh.” JJ's mouth formed an 'O' shape as she spoke.

“What do you mean..... Oh?” Emily scowled.

“I......” JJ stopped for a second. “So......”

“For the love of god, spit it out JJ,” Emily demanded, as her face flushed with further irritation.

“So, you have more meaningful dates........” JJ paused.

“Ye.....” Emily began to answer.

“With women?” JJ quickly interjected, raising her eyebrows, showing that she wasn't worried, just intrigued if this was the case.

“Sssss.....” The end of the yes finally escaped Emily's lips, and she felt the blush unexpectedly begin to rise from her neck. “No....” She then countered a little too quickly.

“Yes or no? Which is it?” JJ asked, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice at Emily, who looked like Henry did when JJ caught him doing something he shouldn't.

“God damn it,” Emily grumbled.

“I'll take that as a yes then.” JJ shook her head slightly. “Why haven't you said anything before?”

“I.....” Emily looked the most embarrassed JJ could ever remember seeing her.

“Looks, its okay, I understand if you don't want to talk about it.”

“No, you should know.” Emily sighed. “I've never set out to hide my sexuality, I've just never corrected misconceptions that people have had. Its not like I've had a sparkling sex life anyway.”

“So you're not seeing anyone?” JJ asked.

“Are you kidding. Oh believe when I say my personal life has sucked as much as you thought it did.” Emily said with a wry smile. “And I am not Morgan, I am extrovert yeah, but that's just show, but when it comes to actually asking someone out, forget it. And I'm certainly not a one night stand kinda girl, so I don't really date, never have done.”

“Why haven't you just told us all?” JJ couldn't keep the slight feeling of hurt that had crept up in her voice out.

“I honestly don't know.” Emily admitted. “I honestly have no problem with you all knowing...” She hesitated slightly, “I guess I'm just so used to having to keep personal feelings locked in tight in case they get used against me. Those damn compartments again. I learned to do that even as a child.”

“How do you mean?” JJ asked carefully.

“Isn't it funny how a memory you've not thought of for years suddenly pops in to your head, and you might think its a bit of an extreme example but it is typical of my childhood and really does help to explain it.” Emily began, “When I was 11, we were living in England, it was a short term engagement of my mothers, so I was over there during the summer vacation. We'd rented some sort of large farmhouse in the country. Funnily enough I can't even remember where. How stupid is that.” Emily paused slightly as she gathered her thoughts, “But I remember getting hurt.”

“Hurt, how?” JJ was even more confused.

“The house was no longer used other than as a rental home, but everything else around it was still used as a farm. Immediately out from the back door, you walked in to a farmyard. Just beyond that was a field, where I'd often go and walk, endlessly for hours. I was then warned by the farmer they'd just put some young cattle in the field, that one of the heifers was nasty, and not to go in. And, me being me, stubborn as always...... I still wanted to go for a walk. So I went in.”

JJ allowed Emily to carry on talking, still not sure where this was going.

“The next thing I knew, I was on the floor, being tossed around by this cow. I couldn't believe it was happening and I honestly had a fleeting thought I was dead, and even to this day I'm not sure how I got out of there. I managed to get back in the house, and upstairs without being seen. Mother was off out and about doing something, so I guess it was easy enough. I then ran a bath, and all I could think about as I lowered myself in to the tub was how lucky I was not that I was alive, but that all the bruising was on my body and legs and wouldn't show and I knew I could deal with the pain, even though my whole torso was already truly black and blue. I remember looking at my skin, and not even being able to firmly make out normal skin tone against the marks it was so extensive. Looking back, I'm sure I'd cracked a rib or two, hell I know now I had but I still didn't do anything. I fought the pain, anguish, hurt, even embarrassment that I'd let it happen, and tucked it away as just part of my life. It's why I can, even today, take a beating, verbal or physical, and just accept it for what it is. But here's the point I'm really trying to make. In my family the rational was that it was my mistake because I'd been warned, but my own stubbornness was to blame, so suck it up, chalk it down to experience, and move on, and you dealt with it, because no-one else would. I didn't tell a soul, not a single soul. I've not told anyone because it was how I felt it should always be. ” Emily stopped, choking back a sob. “Until today.”

Not even thinking, JJ leaned in and kissed Emily. It was an innocent gesture on her part just a way of comforting her friend, but before either of them realized what was happening, it spiraled in to something more.


	11. Shifting sands

**Chapter eleven**

The kiss was a hungry exploration of their mouths. It was natural, without restraint and overly sexual.

Emily broke away, suddenly very aware that this shouldn't be happening.

“Shit.” Emily couldn't help swearing as they parted. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have.....”

“No, its.....” JJ was feeling rocked to the core, and wasn't quite sure how to deal with it all. “I.... better.” She gestured uselessly towards the desk, got up and walked over, grateful that she could put her back to Emily, so she didn't have to deal with the consequences of what had just happened, but feeling guilty because she knew Emily didn't deserve this sort of treatment.

 _Transference, I've heard Reid going on about it before, that's what this is about._ JJ thought to herself as she pulled some papers out of her bag, intent on writing the report about the incident with Morgan for Hotch to read in the morning and mustering all her will, she concentrated on that, and that alone.

In the meantime, Emily was just watching the back of JJ, where she could see the tension almost rippling off her muscles, her shoulders rock solid, trying to gauge and work out what had just happened. Having JJ begin to see through barriers that no-one else had even got close to was bringing up an odd feeling in Emily, one she just couldn't shake off. As for the kiss..... She just didn't even want to try and think about that for now.

Finally the night moved on, and Emily and JJ eventually began to talk, in part because JJ had to ensure Emily was getting the right care. It was after all why she was there JJ reasoned, but there was a brutal undercurrent of unease that ran between them, which neither seemed willing to broach.

Eventually, Emily fell to sleep and JJ was able to go to bed herself. She stretched out and with the pillow she covered her face as she lay on her back fearful that if Emily woke up and saw her eyes it would give all her thoughts away. She was still waiting for her heartbeat to return to normal, even hours later, and her body was racked with conflicting emotions. Hell, she'd been the one to initiate the kiss. Who was she kidding, you didn't lean to kiss someone without any other contact first even if it was merely a touch of the hand, no matter how close a friend. Did you? She knew she had absolutely no reference point for something like this happening, and she couldn't deny, Emily had always fascinated her and JJ was now acutely aware she'd often studied Emily, more than any one else she knew. Emily seemed so unaware of her own beauty that had some men staring openly, a quirky dry sense of humor that all the team adored, that she had a stillness and grace that also came to the fore, again Emily was often unaware she was doing it. Hell, even when Emily lost her temper, it was something you could admire. And there was a fierce loyalty to her true friendships that had built up while she had been with the team. It was a rare combination, and JJ just thought how cute it was that Emily had never noticed it, even cuter that she would deny it if someone mentioned something. Now, here she was wondering did others notice it in the same way, or was JJ the only one? Eventually, JJ rolled on to her side, and glanced across at Emily's sleeping form. _No, I'm straight I've even got a young child,_ JJ reminded herself, _it was the situation they were in. Nothing more, nothing less. Just transference._

“Keep kidding yourself.” JJ whispered, before finally pure exhaustion won the battle and she fell asleep.

As she woke the next morning, JJ felt worse than she had for a long time. Looking across, she was pleased to see Emily was still asleep. Glancing at her watch, she quietly got up, and was washed and dressed in time for Hotch to replace her. She couldn't have been more grateful that Emily was still asleep when she left, and she rushed to work. Once there, she sat down at her desk, still a mix of raw emotion, and she was so caught up in her own thoughts, she didn't even hear Garcia knock and walk in.

“Earth to JJ? Earth calling JJ?” Garcia said, a pile of files under her arm.

“Oh, sorry.” JJ snapped out of her reverie.

“Somewhere good with Will I hope.” Garcia sat down putting the files in front of her, and immediately could tell JJ was upset. Getting up again, she quickly pulled the door closed, and even locked it.

“What's wrong?” Garcia asked as she faced JJ.

“I was just thinking about Emily.” JJ knew she could admit that much.

“Oh honey bee.” Garcia walked around and pulling JJ out of her chair, gave her a hug. “About time, I thought you were never going to crack. You want to talk about it?”

“I was just thinking about her, you know. The real her.”

“I know.” Garcia pulled a tissue out from a little bag she'd had slung over one arm when she'd first walked in. Wordlessly she handed it across to JJ, who took it without argument. Garcia then pulled another tissue out which she kept.

“She really had no idea of how people saw her.” JJ continued. “It was an innocence about her.” JJ laughed, “God she'd kill you if you said something like that to her face.”

“Big hot shot FBI agent, she was...... but she wasn't as good at hiding behind those walls as she thought.” Garcia said, dabbing her eyes.

“Do you?” JJ really didn't know how the hell she was going to phrase the question, but decided to plow on ahead anyway. “Did you notice anything about her when we talking about dating?”

“Like what?” Garcia looked confused.

“Well, its struck me. Emily always brushed off mention of dates. I hate to think she didn't have anyone at all to turn to, really turn to, not just us. I know we all have a problem with maintaining relationships in this place, but I also know we all have friends out there who help us, as much as we help each other. And I can't help but wonder if we're the only true friends she's had, there always seemed to be a reluctance with Emily to take it any further when talking about anything like close friendships, its like you always got the brush off and I'll admit, I never really noticed it, until now as I thought about it. Now I can see she seemed so uncomfortable about it.”

“That ones easy,” Garcia said breezily. “She was gay. ”

“Pardon?” JJ couldn't keep the shocked sound out of voice. “She told you?”

“As if.” Garcia snorted. “But c'mon, all the signs were there. The man's watch, the belt, especially when it was offset like she had it, boots that a Marine would be proud to be seen in, a look that could figuratively kick a man in the balls if he so much as tried to flirt with her, and to top it all, she got a cat!” Garcia ended with a flourish.

“Having a cat hardly qualifies.” JJ protested.

“True, but lets face it, having a cat is almost a mandatory requirement for the sisterhood.”

“I wish she were here now.” JJ finally cracked, and the tears began to flow unchecked. “I wish I could talk to her.”

Mistaking what JJ meant, Garcia clasped JJ's free hand with her own, and they cried together.

 


	12. The truth is out.

**Chapter twelve**

Emily watched as JJ walked in to the room, suddenly aware that her eyes were red rimmed and swollen and she could tell that she'd been crying. Regret that she hadn't been able to resolve what had happened last night sprung up as she watched JJ wordlessly put her bag down by the spare bed, before she finally stood and faced Emily.

“Hey.” Emily said softly, “You want to talk?”

Nodding slightly, JJ walked over and sat down.

Emily had to focus, and not make a complete idiot of herself. Up until last night, she'd always looked at and admired JJ, but never with this intensity. As JJ moved, Emily could see how the fabric of her shirt moved against the skin, how the eyes, always expressive, had a new depth to them she had never noticed. How the smallest hand gesture happened, that when JJ was nervous, she would unconsciously rub her fingers against each other so lightly, she could see why she'd missed it before. It took all her self control to stop the growl of pure arousal coming out.

“So.” JJ sat down as she spoke, looking the most weary that Emily had ever seen her, and suddenly Emily could see just what a drain all of this had been. She felt even more guilt at pushing something else on to JJ to deal with, and berated herself for even allowing her emotions to overrule everything. Even through the thoughts, she was still acutely aware of JJ and what it was doing to her.

Knowing that the bed was not the place to be having this conversation, Emily sat up, and maneuvered herself so she was sitting on the edge of it, immediately facing JJ's chair. It was then she noticed the slight tremble in JJ's hand as it held the arm of the chair. Calmly, she clasped JJ's hand, and felt the shaking worsen. She sat, quietly, just allowing JJ to work through whatever it was that was causing the reaction.

Time went on, Emily didn't even know how long they had been sitting there. She finally began to feel the shaking slow down, and was pleased to see JJ looked more composed.

“Thank you.” Eventually JJ said softly.

“You are welcome.” Emily thought back to the jet or when Garcia was shot, when she had done a similar gesture to help JJ who had desperately needed comfort of touch, not words. Only then, it wasn't personal like this was, and that alone made Emily more aware that she had to ensure nothing was misconstrued.

“I'm still trying to work out how I feel.” JJ admitted, “I..... god, I have never felt anything like this, but I also know I can't allow this, whatever it might really be, that it can't go beyond anything else.”

Tears swam in JJ's eyes as she spoke, Emily felt her heart sink at the words, but also knew they had to be said.

“You never did pull any punches, and your honesty is one thing I can say is something I've always admired.” Emily managed to reply.

“I certainly appreciated a lot about you,” JJ couldn't stop herself blurting out.

Emily looked slightly shocked at the implication, and felt the room was once again filled with sexual tension, and Emily was beginning to hate its invasion, because it had taken away the comfort that they had previously, right when they needed it the most.

“We need to let this go.” Emily whispered.

Feeling Emily's breath on her cheek as she leaned in to speak was almost enough for JJ to lose all control and she had no idea how she reined the feelings in.

“I know.” JJ replied, narrowing the gap between them even further, so they could feel the heat radiating off each others skin, but still without touching, knowing if they did, this would all be for nothing.

JJ looked so lost it almost broke Emily in two.

JJ spoke up again. “You need to be free to do whatever you need to do. Its nothing but the harsh fact we have to face. As much as I want to try and explore all this, I know it would be the worse thing for us both to do, let alone dangerous. I can't allow my feelings to deepen. At the very least, you're going away and I don't think I could bear not having contact if there was anything more. You leaving is going to be hard enough, but I can't risk compromising what you are doing.”

“It isn't just you thinking this, I know its the truth,” Emily reminded JJ, “This isn't rejection, just reality.”

Moving to finally hold JJ in her arms, Emily felt as if her nerve endings were on fire. She felt tears beginning to form, and she fought them back with all her might. She knew there would be time enough for crying when she was out there, alone. She could not let the grief she was feeling show now.

After a silence that seemed to stretch on forever, JJ suddenly couldn't help but think about earlier in the day.

“You do know that Garcia knows you're gay.” JJ said.

“What? How in the.....” Emily looked so shocked that JJ had to laugh.

“I know, honest to god, if she'd told me you were a lap top dancer in a seedy bar somewhere I think I would have been less shocked! But apparently, its because you've got a cat. Well, that and some other indicators. You're watch, belt, boots you wear out in the field, even the way you look at some men.” JJ laughed, finally beginning to feel that they were now back in the territory of safe conversation. “So it looks like you're secret was never as secret as you thought.”


	13. Healing

**Chapter thirteen**

JJ looked on as Emily began her stretching exercises for the day. Recovery had been steady, and while Emily was getting more impatient by the hour, it was still another week before the doctor felt comfortable enough to sign her off completely. They hadn't spoken since about what had happened between them, neither trusting themselves to bring the subject up, because with it came a torrent that they knew once opened, would not be stopped again. JJ was happy to see Emily was so close to finally taking on the challenge ahead, but absolutely petrified at the same time. While it remained unspoken, she knew Emily felt the same way, the looks and feather light touches of reassurance they would give each other were enough of a sign to express it all.

“Ready.”

JJ jumped slightly, not realizing that Emily had finished what she had been doing.

“Don't you want a shower?” JJ asked, seeing Emily was sweating slightly from the exertion of her routine.

“It can wait.”

Taking that as a no, JJ moved to a table in the room, and opened the file. “We have one house set up initially in London for you to travel to. From there, you'll be given any support you want, and a means to either contact Hotch or myself. It will not be communication through anyone other than us. The contact will have no idea of your next main destination and he is the only other person who is involved at this stage at least. Hotch knows and trusts them implicitly having worked with them before. We'll also be in the dark so if you want to send something important that usual lines of communication can't allow before a face to face meeting, that is going to be the opportune time. In other words, we'll wait for the contact from you before any other meetings or decisions are set. We'll also review who else to bring aboard on a regular basis but this is only a last resort.”

Emily sat down, a towel hanging around her neck which she used to pat away a rivulet of sweat from the side of her cheek. JJ swallowed hard, trying to focus on the job at hand, not the thoughts that Emily's actions were provoking.

“Okay.” Emily acknowledged the information she was being given. “I'll need a full map of the area, not just an address. I need to know exactly where I can go if there is a problem of any kind.”

“Already done. Here you go.” JJ slid a map across to Emily as she spoke. “I've marked two small places that you can use if it goes wrong. They are locations completely off the grid with any agency.”

“You really do make a good spy.” Emily said with a laugh trying to lighten the mood.

“I certainly never envisaged doing anything like this, even when I joined the Bureau.” JJ said with a slight shake of her head. “But I just look at it as planning in the same way we do a case and time at the Pentagon has had its uses after all. Its certainly brought up my pay grade for a start.”

Emily grinned at the comment. “I wouldn't......couldn't,” Emily corrected herself, “Trust anyone else to do this. You do know that, right?”

Blinking back the tears, JJ nodded, dropping her head to avoid further eye contact.

* * *

 

Shrugging off her nerves, Emily walked up and looked at the property in front of her. She thought back to when she had finally said goodbye, the awkwardness that was between her and JJ, because Hotch was also present. As much as she had wanted to, she couldn't do the one last thing to hold as a memory before embarking on the journey, and that was to hug JJ, breath in her scent, feel her hair, brush her skin. Throwing off the regrets, Emily had walked on with purpose. Although in London, she hadn't taken the time to take in any other view as she made her way to where she was now, but finally she allowed herself time to look at what was around her. She noticed how quiet the street was, and that no cars were allowed down the narrow alleyway where it was situated. Looking up she could see how it was an inconspicuous building. It looked like some kind of Victorian warehouse conversion, large horizontal windows, with black wrought iron frames that dotted the red brick front, faceless among others that stood in the immediate area. She began to move again, and walked through the large wooden doors with purpose. She was greeted by a good sized reception area, and a desk put in such a way that didn't look out of place, but Emily knew it was a very deliberate placing that afforded excellent views and access to all areas of the reception.

Taking a deep breath, she moved over to where the doorman was situated at the desk.

“Good afternoon, I'm here to see Dale Stevens, Apartment 4.”

The doorman looked at her closely, and for a second Emily felt panicked, although she knew it was unlikely she would be recognized. Her hair was much shorter than before, and it had been lightened enough to make a difference, but not so different that it stood out against her own natural skin tones. Emily knew from experience it was too easy sometimes to have to too much of an extreme change of look, and that could attract its own form of attention. Attention she was desperately avoiding. She was wearing designer sunglasses with a dark tint lens, again, not too ostentatious so that they would draw attention to her but enough to show she was a successful woman working or visiting London. She was grateful that the day was warm and sunny, allowing her to wear them. She wore low slung jeans, that rested on her hips, and a simple halter style top vest in red. She had a large bag slung over her shoulder, positioned in such a way to hide her firearm that would otherwise have been hidden by a different top or jacket.

After mere seconds, but what seemed like an age, the doorman picked up the phone on his desk.

“Name please?” Was all he asked.

“Penelope James.” Emily watched as the doorman spoke softly in to the handset. Obviously content with the reply, he quickly placed the phone down on the holder.

“If you'd like to go through, the doors for the lift are immediately on your left. It's floor 3.”

“Thank you.” Emily answered, seeing the subtle doors recessed slightly in the wall as she walked away, eager to get to her destination.

Unwittingly, Emily chewed on a thumbnail on the short ride up in the elevator, noting how smooth and quiet the ride was. Another example of the understated wealth needed to be here. She felt it judder ever so slightly to a halt at the designated floor, and she moved through the doors the minute the gap was wide enough. As she walked towards the door she wanted, Emily could tell that despite everything about the buildings casual appearance, this couldn't be further from the truth. The security alone was top notch, and exceptionally subtle. So subtle, most people wouldn't even notice, but she was aware of every single lens, every single microphone position. Knocking on the door lightly, Emily felt relief it was answered, seeing it was who she expected, his face matching the picture in her mind. For a short time at least, she had some respite from being alone, and knowing it was the only time she was going to get that respite, she knew she had to make the most of it.

* * *

A couple of weeks later, at Vendange Royle, Emily masked her shock when she saw it was JJ walking towards her, even though she knew it was always a possibility, because realistically, there was only her and Hotch to choose from. It still didn't stop the knot of fear that she felt as JJ sat down. She looked at the light purple scarf with an even lighter color running through it, wondering if it was new and she starred at it, using it to anchor her thoughts.

“Passports from three different countries and a bank account in each one to keep you comfortable.”

Thank you.” Emily struggled to find her voice.

“Good luck.” JJ looked so worried as she spoke that Emily couldn't take any more and stood up trying to maintain her front, walking away, fighting back the tears. Desperate to keep the memory of JJ's voice, her face as she had sat and delivered the information close to hand, upset that once again, the circumstances had thwarted the chance for them to say goodbye properly. She had been so near, yet it could have been a million miles away.


	14. Days change

**Chapter fourteen**

The wind was still biting, as Emily stopped at a shop, looking in, trying to look as casual as possible, but she used the glass windows reflection of the street and buildings behind her to get a feel for what was about. Not wanting to stand there too long, and therefore draw attention to herself she shifted position and entered the shop to browse. Her mind though was on the phone call she'd received just a short time earlier. She sighed as the phone buzzed again.

“Why didn't you tell me it was hot? I can't believe I called when it was hot.” Emily froze as JJ spoke down the phone, the second unexpected call from her that day. “A certain person had something running in the background, it brought up a hit, a location. I can't believe you're doing this.”

JJ didn't need to specify what 'this' was, Emily knew full well JJ had worked out it was to try and draw Doyle out. She had hit a dead end, but knew she was so damn close, she didn't know what else to do, so had taken the risk by using the old phone and other ways to try and get the word out to the one person she needed to hear it. The message was simple, we know where Declan is but it will cost you for the information and to prove we know, we have an old Emily Prentiss cover. The gauntlet had been thrown. It was reckless, she knew, but she had information now that made it worth while. There was no way she would have done it otherwise.

“I can't stay on the phone.” JJ said quickly, “for gods sake sort it out.”

Unable to even get a word in, Emily could almost feel JJ's anger reverberating down the phone at her as the connection was severed, and she suddenly felt such a deep sorrow for what she had done, she was paralyzed to the spot. But, everything had lead her to here. And here was going to be the final showdown, come what may. Looking at her watch, Emily walked out of the shop, and with a carefree attitude that masked her fears headed down to a café she knew was in the square of Lucerne. It was open right through the evening, and it often had patrons who arrived in the early afternoon, and didn't leave until many hours later, so it was an ideal place to sit, wait, watch and review as she'd done many times already.

* * *

 

_“Sick it might be, using Emily's death as a ruse, but sometimes......” JJ's words faltered and she walked out of the room before her emotions could overwhelm her completely._

“Shouldn't someone go after her?” Reid asked as JJ walked out of Garcia's office.

“Leave her be.” Garcia said, looking on sadly at JJ's retreating back. “I'll talk to her later. She's still taking this hard.”

“Tell me about it.” Morgan said. “I know she kept it together longer than any of us, but for weeks now, it seems to have become a grief so deep I can't understand it.”

Suddenly, Garcia squealed. “There, it's there again!”

“What's there again?” Reid looking startled.

“The trace, before I came to find you all, I threw in some additional search patterns now I know I can look for a specific phone number.” Garcia began hitting the keys.

“Can you get a back trace on to the phone that it is in contact with?” Morgan asked.

“I'm trying.” Garcia sounded unusually flustered. “God damn it all to hell.” She exclaimed.

“What's wrong?” Reid asked.

“It went off with literally a second to go.” Garcia looked at the monitor angrily as if it was its fault this had happened. “You son of bitches I have just declared war on you, I am going to hunt you down, to the end of the universe and back if I have to. My family is not going to be hurt and destroyed and we will have revenge” Turning around to face Morgan and Reid, she flicked her hands at them. “Now go.....shoo, I've got important work to do.” She then turned her back on them. Morgan looked at Reid, shrugged and they both walked over to the bull pen back to their own desks.

The next morning, Morgan and Reid hadn't even sat down before Garcia had come along, and literally dragged them in to a small side conference room.

“Can I at least finish my coffee.” Reid whined, “Before you start on whatever this is about.”

“No.” Garcia glared at him.

“Well what about getting JJ in here?” Morgan queried.

“Absolutely not.” Garcia said forcefully. Morgan and Reid looked at each other shocked.

“Why on earth not?” Morgan couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice.

“Because......” Suddenly Garcia began to get more emotional. “I think JJ is involved in something, I don't want to believe it, but I......”

“What?” Reid and Morgan exclaimed in unison.

Taking a deep breath to compose her thoughts, Garcia began to explain what had happened.

“I was running the trace back from the phone calls last night. I couldn't narrow it to an exact location, but I did at least get it to an area.”

“Well, that's good isn't it.” Reid asked.

“No...... No it's not.” Garcia sighed. “Because it wasn't Langley that the other caller was situated. It came back to someone in this fricking building.”

“Jesus.” Morgan sat down on a chair with a thump.

“Yeah, well, that isn't all I discovered last night. It gets worse.” Garcia pulled out her iPad and also a notebook from her bag as well as a piece of paper with some sort of print out on it. “I began to then do some deep digging to try and work out what the hell was going on, and if there was any other communication I've already missed. I didn't expect to find anything, but there was activity on the phone earlier than my alert, but it was so little I'd have missed it if I hadn't known where to look, and all I could do was it see it was active, but that isn't the worst I found.... something came in from London weeks ago.” Garcia finally sat down, looking worried, “You are so not going to like this.” 

* * *

 

“How could you?” Morgan marched in to JJ's room, anger radiating from every pore of his body.

“Pardon?” JJ stood up, actually feeling afraid, pleased that there was a desk between her and Morgan, and completely at a loss as to what was happening.

“How could you do this. You betrayed us.” Morgan spat the words out. “You set it up with the CIA didn't you. Here we were, thinking you were back with us, but you were just using us as a pawn in your damn games.”

“What? What on earth are you talking about?” JJ just couldn't grasp what was going on. It was then she was aware that Garcia and Reid were standing just a short distance away from her office door. Far enough to not get involved, but close enough to hear everything. JJ could see disappointment etched on their faces. Disappointment and JJ could have sworn there was disbelief, disillusionment, but worse pity was there as well.

“Garcia just gave me this, are you going to deny it?” Morgan threw a piece of paper down on JJ's desk. With shaking hands, she picked it up and read it quickly.

“No, I can.....” JJ didn't get any further, before Morgan began to walk out.

“Save it for someone who gives a damn, I don't want to hear it. You used Emily's phone from here didn't you, you lied to us!” Morgan said, his voice low, “You disgust me.”

JJ looked down at the paper again. It had a print out on it, detailing the message that had come through from London. To most people, it would have looked innocent enough, but JJ knew that either Garcia, Reid or Morgan had realized it was about Emily and Doyle. All JJ could think as the words began to sink in was being grateful it didn't even mention that Emily was still alive and they hadn't made the connection. Getting up, JJ walked out of the room, aware that the others had gone back down to the bull pen, she avoided eye contact with everyone as she headed to the toilets, and on finding an empty cubicle, finally broke down in tears.

“Ah, crap.” Garcia exclaimed as she watched JJ walking out of her office, “I'm going to talk to her.”

“No.” Morgan exclaimed. “She betrayed us.”

“I don't believe it.” Garcia argued, “I can't believe there isn't a massive mega reason for all this. We need to find out what is going on. Can you honestly sit here and tell me that JJ would do this to us without a trillion reasons. Can you? Honestly. You saw her body language when she came out, hell even I could see it and I'm just the geek.”

“I used to think she could never do anything to betray us but I just don't know any more.” Morgan replied. “What about you?” he turned the question to Reid.

“I think there has to be a logical explanation to all this. Garcia's right, we need to talk to JJ.”

“How do we know she wouldn't lie to us again?” Morgan countered.

“We don't.” Reid admitted, “We just have to hope she won't.”


	15. Talking isn't always a bad thing

**Chapter fifteen**

JJ was just grateful that it was a weekend. After the confrontation with Morgan the day before, she knew there was no way she would have been able to face work and she'd left quickly after she'd cried in the toilet cubicle. Having splashed water on her face, and drying it off with a paper towel, she had decided to slip out, which she managed to do without being seen. Despite virtually no sleep, she had gone to the park with Henry, enjoying the simple thing of playing with him, hearing his laughter as she lofted him up in the air, before catching him again. They were now back home, having spent pretty much the entire day out, and Henry was so exhausted by it all, he'd been asleep in the car before they had even got back, and hadn't stirred as she picked him up out of his seat and carried him up to bed. The only movement had been to turn and cuddle in to his favorite toy once she'd put him down. It left JJ with a smile and lifted her spirits.

Now, as light began to turn to dark, those same spirits were beginning to fade, and JJ was trying to fight it off. She walked to a cabinet, grabbing a wine glass, that she filled with some Merlot that was already open on the counter top in the kitchen. Grasping both bottle and glass, she then walked through to the sitting room, putting a CD on repeat, before collapsing down on the sofa, where she brought her legs up, stretching them out along its length. She sat there just trying to absorb the sound of the music in the background, trying to still her mind, when she jumped at the sound of a knock at the front door. She was so strung out, she grabbed her gun on the way without realizing. Looking through the peep-hole, she audibly sighed when she saw Garcia, and opened the door without a word, before turning back and going to the sitting room.

“Wow, I know everyone is mad at everyone else at the moment, but come on, really..... a gun! Nice greeting.” Garcia gestured to JJ's hand as she followed, once she'd closed the front door behind her.

Looking down with surprise, JJ had forgotten she was holding the glock.

“Sorry.” JJ put in back in its holster quickly. “Drink?”

Garcia nodded a frown on her face, but settled down while JJ disappeared to get another glass.

“You'd gone yesterday when I tried to find you.” Garcia said when they were finally settled.

“I didn't think anyone was talking to me.” JJ said, fighting back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm all over again. “Not that I was in any fit state to talk.” She admitted.

“What's going on sugar.” Garcia asked softly.

“I.” JJ choked on the word. “I was asked to do something, Hotch and I were asked to do something,” she amended. “I wish I could have told you all, but I couldn't. I still can't.”

“Yes, you can.” Garcia moved over and clasped her friend in a hug. “This is eating you up. We missed seeing it, we all did. We knew something was wrong, but we didn't even think to question it and just put it down to grief when we should haven't done. If its about what happened to Emily, about this old phone number that has been activated, and the role you were asked to play, you know we would have helped, in any way we could. Instead we had to find out ourselves when the trace popped up yesterday and I began digging.”

“Don't you think I know all that, but still you couldn't be involved, you still can't.” JJ insisted. “You know why Emily did what she did. Rossi was wrong when he told Morgan in her apartment that by keeping the ring it was a sign of love for Doyle. It wasn't, it was all because of Declan, because of family, she kept it as a reminder of how evil Doyle was not for his love. The only love was for Declan, it was his memory. And Doyle's actions are why I can't tell you anything more about what has been happening. You know he targets the family, and we are that family.”

“No, I'm not accepting that, I might be able to help, super whiz tech goddess here remember, after all I found out anyway, and you know what Rossi, Reid and Morgan would do,” Garcia said, “Wait how do you know what the ring meant to Emily, it wasn't found until after she went missing.” Garcia asked suddenly.

JJ quickly realized her mistake. “I don't, I just surmised......”

“Oh no.....” Garcia stood up and began pacing the room. “You listen here Missy, I've just about had enough. Tell me what the fricking hell is going on JJ or I swear to god I'll dig and dig until I find the answers even if I have to hack the pentagon or CIA computer! If that fails, I will come back and haunt you.”

* * *

 

“You did _what_?” Garcia's tone was incredulous.

JJ had finally just given up and told Garcia everything about her involvement with Emily with the exception of the feelings she had for her. JJ knew if she didn't, Garcia would carry on investigating it all, doing possible untold damage. Hearing what JJ had to say, Garcia got up, and began to pace the room.

“Right now I am sooooo mad with you Jennifer Jareau, let alone Emily, who I admit I'm also so pleased to hear is alive. I am so beyond mad I don't think there is a word I can use to describe it.” She glared back at JJ, who was already making short work of the wine she'd brought in earlier. “And stop drinking that, I want you to have a clear head.” Garcia snatched what was left in the bottle from JJ's reach, before grabbing the glass from her.

“You can't tell Morgan, Reid or Rossi.” JJ pleaded.

“Are you out of your fricking tiny little mind?” Garcia stopped her pacing to look back at JJ. “I can't keep something like this secret! Hello are you nuts? You do know keeping this secret is what has been tearing our little family apart right down the middle. What Doyle hasn't achieved physically has happened anyway. God for someone who drinks so much coffee, you aren't exactly smelling it properly right now!”

“But we can't compromise the operation.” JJ said, looking as if she was about to burst in to tears, as a combination of wine and exhaustion caught up with her. “I understand what you're saying, but it was done to protect.....

“Don't you dare say that.” Garcia almost shouted back. “We should have been given the chance to make that decision ourselves. I don't care if it was thought our grief wouldn't be as real if we all knew. Our grief would have shown because of worry about where Emily was, and what she was doing. You're grief had us all fooled, and to think, profilers no less not just mere mortals on the street. I didn't know you were such a good actress.” Garcia knew her last accusation was wrong, but was so hurt, she couldn't help it, “I don't care that it was thought it would put us in direct danger of this mad man. We would have been stronger, instead its weakening us.”

“No.” JJ protested.

“Yes, you damn well know it too.” Garcia finally sat down, but she kept her distance, choosing a chair, rather than the sofa where she'd been previously.

“I'm calling.....” Garcia began to say, but didn't get any further than pulling her phone out of her bag, as JJ launched herself off the sofa and grabbed it out of her hand. “Hey!” Garcia protested.

“I've got to call my aunt to look after Henry, and then I'm calling Hotch.” JJ said wearily, picking her own phone off the coffee table, keeping Garcia's cell phone well out of reach.


	16. Team work

**Chapter sixteen**

“I've called you in to a meeting this evening about a very important case that JJ and I have both been working on over many weeks” Hotch scanned the table. He carefully noted the open hostility from Morgan towards JJ, and could tell Reid was just intrigued about the meeting. Garcia looked exceptionally worried and Rossi just bemused but he wasn't surprised by any of the reactions he was getting.

“What you are about to hear is in fact classified beyond your clearances, even yours Dave,” Hotch looked apologetic as he glanced across at Rossi, before turning back to the table “but not JJ's and mine.” Hotch made sure the point he had just made had sunk in. “However, we have made an exception on this occasion, and believe me when I say, we are both,” Hotch gestured to JJ as he spoke, “taking a massive personal risk by bringing you in to the investigation. We are going against protocol here on just about every level. You were initially excluded for the reasons that the less people who knew, the less it could be compromised, and what we are doing has not been sanctioned officially anywhere, so if you want to leave, I would fully understand and you can go without any repercussions.” Hotch waited, and seeing no-one move carried on. “It wasn't an easy decision at all to leave you out. We had to think long and hard about it, and apart from when I lost Haley, this has been the most difficult time for me at the bureau. This isn't about your ability on the job, or the emotional impact it might have on you all.”

“Its about Doyle isn't it?” Morgan interrupted, anger in his voice.

“It is yes,” Hotch said calmly. “And its also about Emily.”

“We already know. You're using an old cover of hers and her death as a trap to bring Doyle out in to the open. Yada, yada, yada.” Morgan said mimicking lips moving by pushing his fingers down to his thumb repeatedly, “Well, I for one am not about to play you're little games.”

As he got to stand up and leave, Hotch moved to intercept him.

“Derek, you are reacting in anger, not logic, so please sit down.”

“Why? Why should I trust you?” Morgan sneered.

“Derek, please sit down.” Morgan swiveled around in shock because it was Garcia talking. “What, not you as well?” He asked incredulous.

“You need to listen to this.” Garcia pleaded.

“You know what this is about don't you,” Morgan felt betrayed further. “Are Rossi, Reid and I the only ones who have been fed a load of bullshit lately?”

“I only found out properly tonight.” Garcia defended herself against the accusation.

Her comment was enough to make Morgan look contrite, and he sat back down again slowly. “Okay, I'll listen for now. But I am not making any promises.”

* * *

 

“Derek, please stay behind.” Hotch closed the door as the others filed out from the meeting. He didn't get the chance to say any more.

“You allowed me to think I didn't save her. That she had all but died in my arms. Have you got any idea how that has made me feel.” Morgan roared.

“I do. When I couldn't save Haley, it was something I thought was going to rip me apart. If it wasn't for Jack, I don't know if I would be here still.” Hotch said slowly, “so don't even begin to try a pissing contest on that one.”

Ignoring what Hotch has said, Morgan carried on his tirade. “Emily, hell, yeah I'm angry at her, because she knows we would have helped, without hesitation. Despite all that I can kinda understand it. She is the only person who knows Doyle well enough to track him down. She was the only one who could go undercover. But when you came on board, you had every opportunity to come to us. Come to me.”

“I made a decision at the time I thought was best. And I am telling you something that only JJ knows and I didn't bring up in the meeting. I honestly believed if Emily knew that the rest of you were brought it, she would disappear off the grid completely and then we would be in a position of not knowing anything, unable to help at all. I couldn't risk it.” Hotch explained.

“Fine, but why didn't you then ask us to help after Emily had gone in?” Morgan argued, “then she wouldn't have known, but we would have had her back.”

“I accept your point, but you know we can't regret decisions made, just work with what we have done. I wasn't entirely comfortable with it all, but ultimately it is my job.” Hotch countered sensing Morgan's anger was dissipating.

“Well that went as well as I expected.” JJ said dryly to Garcia as she watched Morgan with Hotch in the conference room, “And I thought you're reaction was extreme.”

“You don't hate me for calling you an actress do you?” Garcia looked worried.

“No.” JJ smiled resting a hand on Garcia's shoulder, just relieved that the truth was finally out.

“I'm just pleased there wasn't anything close to hand that Morgan could throw at anyone.” Reid admitted.

“For someone who practices marital arts, which is supposed to help you stabilize your anger, he is rather hot headed. Ironic don't you think?” Rossi observed, breaking up some of the tension, as others saw the humor.

“Yeah, but this time the anger is directed at us,” Garcia pointed out. “Not cool. Not cool at all!”

“Don't worry, it won't last.” Rossi assured them.

“How can you be so sure?” Reid questioned.”I don't think I've seen his this angry.”

“You know Morgan.... It's his once major vice and what has stopped him progressing through the ranks, he's angry because he is hurting. It's why JJ was left in charge when Hotch and I weren't in the office. He'll calm down once he has a chance to think about it. In the meantime, I suggest we stop standing around here, and begin the task of finding out where Emily is, and what help we can give her.”

“Well, we have the starting point of Lucerne. I'll pull the address we were given from the file in my office. I've also got details of her bank accounts, aliases and other phones she had.” JJ said.

“Good.” Rossi began the organization of roles in the absence of Hotch, “Garcia, can you begin to put a stronger trace out on the phone number you already have. Is it going to be possible to put out a GPS search?”

“Not until I can get the information about the relevant satellites and data type that the Swiss might use. Once I can collate that information, I will then need to be in the country the phone is in, I can't do it remotely.”

“Okay, if you can start doing that while JJ gets the rest of the information for you.”

“On it!” Garcia walked off towards her office.

“What do you want me to do?” Reid said.

“We'll see if JJ has got any confirmed information about Doyles whereabouts. If she has, we can try and analyze it and see if it matches what we have on Emily. We can also cross reference it with any known locations he used in the past. And we all just have to hope that Emily hasn't gotten in to trouble in the meantime.”

 


	17. Flying to the rescue?

**Chapter seventeen**

“Garcia, how is the GPS information coming along?” Hotch asked, as he looked up from a file resting on his lap that he had been reading.

“I have managed to get some information on the system used in Switzerland.” Garcia said, as she typed away on her laptop, “But its going to take a little longer than usual. Here, I don't have my super duper main frame, just this pile of ......” Garcia's voice trailed off.

“C'mon cupcake, you can do this.” Morgan said, looking across from his seat on the jet that was now heading across the Atlantic. He glanced at JJ and she could see the look of an apology in his eyes. She nodded to acknowledge the message before concentrating on her files.

“Usually, I would go through this in no time but right now this would be like taking a Ferrari burning rubber for fun, to then get given a clapped out farm tractor to drive.” Garcia looked frustrated.

“What about bank account activity?” Rossi asked.

“This is Switzerland! Tax haven remember. I am going to have to leave that one until we land and set up with a better computer system before I even begin to try that little party trick. They might be known for cuckoo clocks, which I hasten to add I personally think are the most ghastly of creations, but you have to admire the Swiss. Their banking set ups are most certainly not in the same league. Unfortunately!” Frustration still sounding in the voice.

“Just do the best you can for now.” Hotch said encouragingly. “JJ, have you managed to get our cover story sorted out yet?”

“Yes.” JJ said. “The Ambassador has done some political dealing, and we are there on our governments request, on paper at least, to find out why a cover used by one of our former agents is currently active. I've also contacted Interpol, but only as a courtesy giving the same reason. We didn't want to make a formal approach in case Doyle has contacts there so we're having to go in without their knowledge. Its not ideal because we can't hide we're coming, but I've tried to minimize what is being said.”

Hotch nodded. “Recent history would suggest he does have someone inside, or at the very least close to Interpol and other inter-agency organizations that allowed him to travel after his escape from the Koreans and subsequently America. Good work. Once everyone has done what they can, you need to get some sleep. This is going to be a long flight.”

“I still can't believe the Ambassador knew about this.” Garcia whispered to Morgan. “I bet Emily bust a gut when she found out her mother was involved.” Garcia thought about it for a second, “Or should that be bust a second gut to the one she'd already busted?”

* * *

 

JJ walked in to the apartment, trying to suppress the worry that was gnawing at her. She tried to focus on the more immediate situation, and pushed the other feelings aside.

“It's clear.” Morgan and Hotch walked back in to the hallway having checked the rooms. “Everyone, spread out and begin searching. Lets see if we can't find something. Garcia, I spotted a laptop in the sitting room.” Hotch began to snap on some gloves. “I'll check the kitchen.”

“I will have the computer singing to me like a charm toot sweet, it will take me longer to power it up.” Garcia said tottered past him in her high heels.

Without realizing it, JJ had walked in to the bedroom, and for a second, she had to stop and swallow hard, as she spotted the bed, with rumpled sheets. She then found herself smiling. Not one for making the bed in the morning then Emily she thought as she walked across to it. Just to be sure of something, JJ put her hand down on the bottom sheet, and felt it was stone cold. So, no recent occupant at least. Slowly JJ moved around the bed, and spotted a t-shirt that Emily obviously used to sleep in crumpled up on a pillow. She instinctively picked it up, and brought it towards her nose, where she inhaled deeply. It was the first reminder of Emily that JJ had been able to hold since she had left. _Damn, I'm acting like a love struck teenager_ JJ thought and shaking herself, she put it back down quickly, hoping no-one had seen her doing such a stupid thing. She went through a bedside cabinet drawer, found some books and began to skim though them. In a back page of one she was shocked to see that Emily had a small passport sized photograph in there. Picking it up carefully, she brought it in to the light for a better look, even though she knew the picture intimately. She shook her head as she looked at the face, which mirrored her own. Somehow, Emily had got hold on an ID picture of her from Quantico. She brushed her thumb across it, before quickly stuffing it in her pants pocket. 

JJ walked back out to the kitchen having found nothing of value where she was. She moved over to the table, where everyone had gathered.

“I've found some receipts for a café in town.” Hotch put them down on the table and spread them out. “It looks like she has spent a considerable amount of time there.”

Reid picked some up and studied them carefully.

“Its not just a considerable amount of time there.” He noted. “Everything is done to an exacting pattern, even to the time when she paid the bill. Look here....” He pointed to a line at the bottom of a receipt, “I know my Swiss German is somewhere between very rudimentary to non-existent, but this is definitely a time stamp. Each one of these is stamped to within minutes of each other. She also orders the exact same food and drink. There is absolutely no divination.”

“Just like The Black Shamrock in Boston.” Morgan said. “She was looking for someone, and didn't care if she was spotted. She was trying to make herself obvious.”

“You think it was for Doyle?” Reid asked.

“I don't know.” Hotch stood back slightly. “Something tells me she wouldn't want to bring him out in the open like that. I'm more inclined to think she was putting out a different message. The only problem is, we don't know what that is.”

“I think I might have an idea.” Garcia piped up. “There are some files here and it looks like they might be about.....” Garcia stopped in mid sentence.

“About what Garcia?” Rossi questioned.

“Declan, and where he is.” Garcia looked up, eyes wide in shock.

“No, that isn't right,” JJ said. “She wouldn't be using Declan against Doyle, she wouldn't even tell me his location.”

“Are you sure about that?” Morgan felt the mistrust beginning to rise again. “She wants Doyle so badly, would she use Declan as the bait?”

“I'm telling you, she told me; only she knows where Declan is. She used her own money to move and resettle him. She didn't even tell the rest of her team before about his location. Emily wants Doyle but not at the expense of a kid, any kid.” JJ insisted, “perhaps she is doing something else?”

“Unless,” Reid looked at the laptop screen, “she was putting out false information to say she knew where Declan was. It's Doyle's achilles heel, if he thought there was any chance of getting Declan's location, we know his methodical approach goes out of the window. He becomes careless.”

“That certainly makes more sense.” Hotch acknowledged. “Garcia, keep digging.”

 


	18. Déjà vu

**Chapter eighteen**

Yet more days and nights had been and gone as Emily sat in the café at the square waiting for her food to be brought across. She wondered if she needed to ramp up the contact more? She had discovered that Doyle had lost a lot of the support network he had in place because of the gun battle in Boston, and that alone had been a boost to her moral and the sole reason she had pushed ahead with the plans. He still had people around him, but she knew they weren't on the same level of trust as previously, and that made Doyle more vulnerable. But now, she was beginning to worry and question her own judgement. So far, nothing seem to have worked, and she was beginning to wonder if the information had been as accurate as she'd hoped. Fighting down the self doubt, Emily acknowledged the waiter as he brought her food over. By the time she'd eaten, she was ready to start the routine of late all over. 

Driving along the quiet twisting road that Emily was beginning to know off by heart, she felt the familiar thud in her chest as her heart beat began to accelerate from the adrenalin rush that was kicking in. She had to pull over, and dart to the side of the road to allow herself to be sick. And as she was retching, she wondered why she ate when she knew this would happen. Because you hate dry heaving even more was the answer that always popped in her head. But once it was all over, it was almost as if some switch was flipped on in her body, and rather than racing anxiety, she felt a heightening of all her senses, and was ready to move on again.

Moving calmly, she eventually walked in to the boat house that was alongside the Lake having parked the car some two miles away in a disused farmyard she'd spotted on one of reconnaissance missions to find a location suitable. Under different circumstances, Emily would have appreciated the aesthetic look, with its rustic reddish wood exterior, and a slightly oriental style to the roof which she knew was designed specifically to allow snow to slid off before its weight could do damage. It had the forest as a backdrop, and the lake surrounding three sides with wonderful mountain views all around them. But for now, she was just sitting in the same place she had sat for many nights, wordlessly looking at the entrances to the Lake itself and also the small side door, which was the only access in and out. There were two doors to the lake proper, neither with solid sections but curved arch tops filled with slatted partitions instead. They reminded her a little of the portcullis's she'd seen in castles all over Europe. These slats allowed what little light was about to filter in, just leaving the levels high enough so that Emily could move around comfortably without use of a torch. She'd never had any qualms about the dark, but the slats were a added bonus, since she'd not seen another boat house like it.

“I see you're alone.”

Emily felt the breath catch in her throat.

“You look good for a dead woman.” Doyle stepped out of the shadows, and Emily could see his fists clenched down at his side. “I guess its going to be third time lucky for me.”

“Yeah, third times a charm all right.” Emily said sarcastically.

“Breathe, just breathe.” Emily barely whispered the same mantra she had used the last time facing Doyle, only now she wasn't tied down to the chair. She then stood up slowly, watching intently for any sign of immediate danger and was pleased to see no obvious weapon on Doyle, but then he was expecting an exchange. It was just supposed to be information for cash, so she knew, while he would be armed, it explained why it wouldn't be immediately obvious. The first gamble had paid off. Slowly, she maneuvered herself in to a position she was more comfortable with. She brought her hand down, and suddenly knew her gun wasn't in its holster.

“Looking for this?” Doyle held the gun up via the trigger with his index finger, so it hung upside down, swinging slightly. “Tut tut, you're losing your touch”

“How did you......”

“You dozed off. You didn't even realize did you?”

 _You can do this,_ Emily thought to herself. _You chase down the worst in society, get confessions from the darkest souls. You can do this. Remember, just breathe._

She didn't bother to answer Doyle, hitting him with a question of her own. “On your own, or are your goons outside?”

“I have some company.” Doyle said with a low menacing voice as he put the gun in to back of his waistband, Emily noted what he was doing and couldn't help the feeling of relief that flooded through her.

“Not quite the same though is it? You just can't get the staff these days.” She knew she'd hit a nerve, and inwardly smiled.

“Want to hear something?” Doyle asked, making Emily look at him more closely.

“What?”

“The last time I saw Emily Prentiss, she was dying. I'm disappointed this is the best you could come up with on our reunion.” Doyle swept out a hand around him. “No candles, no flowers. I thought you liked flowers.”

Emily couldn't help letting out a small laugh. “Really? I mean, come on really? What - you expected a fanfare, a ticker-tape parade? You lost remember!” She knew she was taunting him, but she also knew it was one way to get him off guard. And she could see it was just beginning to work, as she could make out the slightest changes in his stance. “I'm ready for you. Care to take a shot?” Emily then provoked him, shifting her weight so she was now on the balls of her feet.

Doyle threw out an arm, and his fist was able to connect for a second in her lower left abdomen area, obviously testing where she had been wounded, but it was only a glancing blow and Emily was able to keep her balance, as she pirouetted around to face him again.

Then the knife suddenly swung out in front of her apparently from nowhere, Emily just avoided it in time, sidestepping it neatly.

“Ohhh, now see this sort of thing just pisses me off. You've just gone and spoiled it by bringing out the knife. Don't you want to play fair?” Emily eyes narrowed as she pulled a knife of her own out of its sheath in her belt. “No I guess not, only bastards play dirty. Guess that makes us both bastards.”

 


	19. Combat to the end

**Chapter nineteen**

Doyle just grinned, and took a step forward. They both began to circle each other on the boat dock decking, neither wanting to risk a slip up.

“Shall we dance?” Emily winked as she spoke.

“Tonight you will die.” Doyle sounded as angry as Emily had ever heard him. “I can guarantee it.” he then charged, only he was going for a body check, which surprised her, and succeeded in pushing Emily in to the side of the building. It hadn't been enough to wind her, but she lost the knife, and grappling she found a spanner sitting on a wooden beam running horizontally along the inside that was being used like a shelf. Picking it up, she used it to give her punch more power, and it hit in the cheek area, allowing Emily enough time to push Doyle off her just as he brought his own knife down to where she had been, missing by mere fractions. Then they were back to a stand-off before they launched at each other again.

* * *

 

Emily shook her head, clearing it after yet another blow had landed across her temple. She was grateful she had managed to get on to her feet again before another attack was launched.

“They called me a monster, but even I would never have used a child against someone like you did.”

“You didn't hesitate to have children killed, as a message to others.” Emily argued back. “You are a monster. At least I could protect Declan, not harm him.”

Their bodies met, and to begin with Emily thought Doyle had got nothing more than a mild block in, but she felt pain beginning to emanate from her front shoulder, and a slight trickle of what she assumed was blood running down her front and arm. Emily flexed her muscles and could tell it was a deeper wound that any she'd so far sustained but there didn't seem to be damage that was immediately limiting.

She knew she would have to launch an attack again to try and disarm Doyle. The biggest problem was his knife and that so far, she'd been incredibly lucky he hadn't managed to do more harm, and apart from her shoulder, her arms and hands in particular already had numerous smaller cuts across them. All thought of any pain had been put aside, knowing it would be a distraction.

“It seems like your guards aren't doing a very good job.” Emily said, trying not to show she was feeling slightly breathless and tiring. “With this racket, they should have been charging in, all guns blazing by now.”

“Their proximity isn't that close so they won't hear this. But tell me Emily, what would you do if I just pulled the trigger on the gun, and ended it here?”

“I'll take my chances you can't do that.” Emily said, “You need to know where Declan is. But more importantly, you need to make me suffer and this is going to give you the chance to do both. Otherwise you would have shot me the minute you saw me.”

“Maybe.” Doyle circled around again, “or maybe I just wanted to give you a sporting chance.”

“Don't make me laugh. You enjoy this too much.” Emily ran her tongue across her teeth, feeling one was wobbling, and she spat some blood that had pooled in her mouth out on to the floor.

Emily's legs were dragged from underneath her as Doyle squatted down kicking out as he went, and she felt something that seemed like gravel cut in to her palms. By the time this registered, Doyle had picked her up by her arms, and she was in a headlock. Emily knew fighting the panic was actually the most important thing for her to do, and she tried to once again regulate her breathing. Feeling Doyle's grip slacken ever so slightly as her own muscles relaxed, she finally twisted away from him again.

“You always were feisty.” Emily could see that Doyle was now panting hard as he spoke, and recognized that he was hurting more than she had realized. The knives had both been lost long before, but the blows she'd managed to land had obviously done some damage.

She didn't feel the pain at first, but was only aware that he had charged, determined to push them both over the end of the dock. Contorting her body, Emily held her breath, knowing the water was going to be icy cold and that meant her body would involuntarily want to gasp and even though she knew the shock was coming, it still took every ounce of willpower she had to not let that happen. She then sensed Doyle, gaining a position above her, and her head was being pushed down. Although an excellent swimmer, the panic did set in for a second, and Emily fought the urge to open her mouth to breathe. She twisted and turned, trying to turn Doyle with her, and finally she was able to break free from his grasp. Even though her lungs were now burning, desperate for more air, she swam down and away from Doyle, kicking hard as she went, grateful that the water, although at the end of the lake was still deep. As she then began to surface, she could see the edge of the decking in her reach, and was amazed to see the glint on the handle of one of the knives. Grabbing it, she was barreled in to from behind by Doyle who had finally worked out her position, which once again forced her back down below the surface of the water. This time, she didn't defy him, and she felt Doyle's surprise at the lack of resistance beneath him. Waiting for the right moment, Emily then punched with all her might, feeling the blade entering somewhere in the upper chest region of Doyle before she drew it out again. He flew backwards off her, and continuing her momentum she shot up through the water. She stabbed again, this time catching Doyle right across the middle of his throat. His hand grasped feebly at her hand, before the life began to drain from his body. She noted with some satisfaction that she had caught the jugular and it was Doyle's own knife.

As she watched Doyles body sink beneath her, the water turning a crimson red, Emily had just enough energy to mutter, “Payback is a bitch,” before the cold water sapped all her strength completely, and she began to feel it tugging her down.


	20. The hunter becomes the hunted

**Chapter twenty**

“Great, she had to come out to where there was a walk through the woods.” JJ complained as she stepped out of the car, and looked at where they were heading. “Damn, she knows how much I hate the woods!” she added as an afterthought.

“And that I hate the dark.” Reid squeaked. “Although this is technically a forest.”

“Spence! I so did not need to know that.” JJ exclaimed.

“You'll survive.” Hotch said as he walked past them. “Garcia, can you hear us?” he then spoke in to his microphone attached to his shirt cuff.

“Loud and crystal clear.” Garcia then waved at them through the window of the second car, where she was sitting. “but I cannot guarantee how well a signal will hold once you get out in the forest.”

“We'll just have to take our chances. Rossi, are you set?”

“Ready.” Came the firm reply from who Rossi was sitting in the same car as Garcia, having been chosen to be bodyguard.

“Right everyone else, lets go. Be alert for possible ambush or armed guards in the vicinity. JJ, Morgan, as the two best shooters, I want you to be our point men, the first firing those weapons if we get a chance and we're not in an all out gun fight.” He looked around strapping down his bulletproof vest, “Be careful everyone.”

After walking for a while using the night goggles, Hotch brought a finger up to his lips, and indicated he could see two hostiles a short way in front. Morgan and JJ both raised their weapons higher, and with deadly accuracy fired in tandem, before moving on without a break as the bodies fell. The silencers helping to dampen down the sound, but it still seemed loud in the quiet that enveloped them, increasing the tension. They continued without incident, and suddenly found they were on the edge of a clearing.

“Regroup.” was the simple command Hotch gave everyone through the communications which was still holding up despite the location.

“I can see two at the far end of the area, but no-one near the building. It looks like they are patrolling this area as a perimeter. I don't think there are any others in the forest.” Morgan whispered as they stood right on the edge of the trees, assessing the position.

“As we suspected, this looks like the meet point.” Hotch took a deep breath. “We still don't know if everyone is here yet, despite the guards we've come across.”

“The only way we'll know that is to go in.” Reid faltered.

“Can you and JJ make the shot from here?” Hotch asked.

“I think so.” JJ said, looking at Morgan, who had just nodded.

“Take them down.”

 Morgan and JJ fired, both accurate again. With confidence, but still aware of possible hostile activity, they ran across the open ground. 

Throwing the door open, it took a split second for them to realize what had happened, and before anyone could stop him, Morgan ran forward.

* * *

 

“Come on, do not do this to me again. I will not let you. C'mon baby, I didn't fly all this way for you to die on me, stay with us.”

Emily gagged as water came back up her throat and she was pulled over to her side, so the water didn't choke her again. Without even realizing it, Emily pulled herself in to the fetal position, spasms running through her body as the water continued to try and vacate her lungs.

“Yeah, there you go. You can do this.” Morgan watched as Emily blinked.

Emily slowly opened her eyes and wondered if she was dead. _What the hell was Morgan doing here he should be at Quantico?_ It was a fleeting thought.....then she found she was fascinated to watch some droplets of water falling off the end of his chin and nose, and it registered he was soaking wet. That was when she uncontrollably shivered and realized she was alive.

 _Morgan._ Emily tried to talk, but just couldn't. All she could think was how cold she was, it actually felt as if every single nerve ending was being given electric shocks.

“Emily?”

Emily was also then aware that JJ was right alongside where Morgan was kneeling. Trying hard, she eventually managed to move her head. It was then she realized her own teeth were chattering, and even though she tried to clamp down hard, it just wouldn't stop.

“Emily?” JJ couldn't stop the fear creeping in to her voice.

“O...O...k...a...y.” Emily eventually managed to stutter.

“Can you move?”

Emily, with some effort nodded.

“In that case, lets get you warm.” and Morgan moved her with such gentle care in to a sitting position, Emily had to fight back the tears. “I found some blankets in the boats moored here.” He then draped them around her shoulders, wrapping her in tight. Emily tried to grasp the edges, but she couldn't get her cold fingers to comply.

“We need to get you to the hospital.” JJ sounded urgent.

“No.” Emily shook her head as it came out as a hoarse whisper. “Just... patch me... up.” she finally managed to say, straining every word.

JJ looked at Hotch who looked unsure. “We can bring the cars up through the forest track, whatever happens the time scale isn't going to change for the drive in to town. My main concern is hypothermia, but we'll monitor it and you” he looked at Emily, “will go to the hospital if I have the slightest indication you are in trouble.” he said slowly.

“I want you to going for a complete check up at some point.” JJ added.

“I promise.” And Emily just rested her head in to JJ's shoulder, not able to believe the team were there. She was too exhausted to even question it.

“Why didn't you just shoot the prick when he first walked in?” JJ asked after a few minutes of rubbing Emily down to try and get her circulation going, sounding angry, and Emily was shocked she'd said what she had, wasn't sure why.

“I couldn't, he had my gun, couldn't get backup.” Emily said through continuing chattering teeth, “Had to do it this way.”

“Hand to hand, that's my girl,” Morgan said with a smile as he wrapped a blanket around his own shoulders.

“Don't encourage her.” JJ snapped, glaring up.

“What?” Morgan brought his hands up in an open gesture. “I'm just saying, is all.”

“Come on.” JJ helped Emily stand and they made their way to the door leading out from the boat house as dawn was beginning to break.

“Emily.” Garcia arrived running out of the car that had just pulled up, and for a second Emily thought she was going to be bowled over, but at the last possible second, somehow it hadn't happened. “Oh my god, look at you.”

“It looks worse than it is, just a little beat up.” Emily put on a smile, trying not to worry anyone finally able to talk without teeth clattering although her voice still sounded rougher than usual.

“You always say that.” JJ countered, “I would hardly call this a little.....” sounding angry still, but she stopped and just shook her head. “I guess we're never going to change you.” her anger dissipating.

“Reckless is your middle name.” Morgan walked across, with a grin on his face. “But don't think you're getting away with having done this without us.”

“You're just as bad.” Garcia said, punching him on the arm. “Remember Chicago! We saved your skinny little ass then.”

“Hey, who you calling skinny and little.”

Emily just drew the blankets closer around her, as the relief of finally being back coursed through, trying not to let a strangled sob leave her throat.

“Relax.” JJ said, as Emily still rested on her shoulder.

The simplest of words was enough for Emily to completely break down in hysterical tears in the back of the car. JJ instinctively brought her arm around Emily tighter, drawing her in even closer while Rossi just kept his eyes on the road, trying to give what little privacy he could to allow Emily to break down.


	21. Getting back together

**Chapter twenty one**

“Hotch is trying to placate the local police, who to say weren't very happy we'd come in all guns blazing is an understatement.” JJ was back at her hotel room, which had been booked before they had flown out of Quantico. “But, having killed Doyle has put a few points in our favor. The biggest problem is whether we bring you back under the radar or not because you are still officially dead, although I think its more likely we'll use one of your aliases and we'll sort out the technicalities of that when we get home.”

JJ carefully peeled the wet shirt off Emily, trying not to gasp as she saw the fresh bruises that had appeared. It wasn't about seeing Emily undressed, because concern to help overwhelmed all other senses at the moment, just as it had in the safe house when JJ had become her nurse. Emily had even confided that she was so used to others; doctor, nurse, whoever it was, seeing her stripped down with god knows what poking in or out of her, she didn't even think about it, when she had sensed some early embarrassment from JJ – but in typical Emily fashion, she had assured JJ, it was all the same. Trying to stop her hands trembling, JJ began to clean around the worst wound, that was up by Emily's right collarbone. She probed, and although deep, it did seem to be stable and no longer bleeding, so it shouldn't need stitches. She could feel Emily flinching under her fingers, but not once did she moan, and JJ could tell she was desperate to hide how much pain she was in.

“Can this wait?” Emily asked so quietly JJ almost didn't hear.

JJ looked at her, and could tell Emily was at the end of whatever was keeping her going and although she had just been talking about mundane stuff to try and keep Emily's mind away from what had just happened, felt worry creep up seeing how tired and pale she now looked.

“I've just got to get this wound patched up and finish up with a couple of the smaller cuts. I'll be as quick as I can. You're sleeping here and I brought some clothes back from your apartment you can change in to after we visited it earlier.”

Emily barely had the energy to nod.

JJ walked back out from the bathroom where she'd gone to wash her hands and change, having finally washed and covered all the cuts and grazes, making Emily take some painkillers as well as getting her in to a top and shorts, to find Emily had pulled the covers across her body, and was already asleep.

“Sweet dreams.” JJ whispered as she planted a feather light kiss on Emily's exposed cheek.

“How is she?” Hotch asked as JJ joined the team in the lobby of the hotel, where they were sitting around a table, with coffees.

“Fast sleep. Tired, battered, bruised, emotional, stubborn, you name it, the list goes on.” JJ said, as she grabbed her own coffee.

“Its not unexpected,” Hotch admitted. “Does she need hospital treatment?”

“I don't think so, although I would like a doctor to check her out at some point, but I think we can wait until we get back.”

Hotch nodded. “We'll give them a call when we land.”

“Garcia, can you do me a favor.” JJ said quietly, not wanting the others to hear what she was asking.

“Sure kitten, anything I can.”

“Can you pop around to Emily's apartment and just put everything in to bags for it to come back, before we fly home. I honestly have no idea if Emily wants anything from there, but I want her to have the choice once we get home.” Garcia's hand gripping her own was all the answer JJ needed, and she smiled her thanks.

JJ's attention was suddenly brought back by Hotch speaking.

“I want everyone to try and get some sleep. I've got some more things to do at the local police station, but I don't envisage any problems. I've arranged for wheels up at 19:00 local time.”

“Does Emily's mother know?” JJ suddenly asked.

“I've spoken to her. Naturally she's relieved and wants to know when we arrive.”

“Emily is just going to love that!” JJ heard Garcia mutter sarcastically under her breath.

“I'm going back up, I don't want Emily to wake up alone.” JJ stood up, and acknowledged everyone with a quick nod of her head, before going back to the room.

Once there, she sat on the couch that was there, sipping her coffee as she watched Emily sleeping. Her own tiredness began to creep in, but she stayed where she was, not wanting to risk disturbing Emily by getting in the bed. Eventually, she stretched out on the couch, and dozed off.

* * *

 

Feeling guilty but knowing they had to get ready to leave, JJ walked over and gently shook Emily. Emily began flailing arms around immediately as her eyes popped open.

“Emily...... Emily.” JJ said with urgency, “It's okay. You're safe, nothing is happening.”

JJ could see the look she herself remembered after the Tobias Hankel incident. JJ still had occasional nightmares about that night in the barn, and how she then reacted when her friends came in and she could see it now mirrored in Emily's eyes. She also knew that she had to be no threat to Emily.

“JJ.” Emily looked as confused as she felt. “It's real I'm not imagining this?” she then asked quietly.

Smiling, JJ reached over and placed a hand on Emily's one forearm. “No, your not. You're safe.”

“Its real?” Emily looked lost for a second, and it tore at JJ's heart.

“Yes.” JJ continued the reassurance, grasping Emily's hand in her own this time. Seeing Emily beginning to relax, she couldn't help but release the breath she'd been holding. JJ moved, and getting in to the bed, settled down alongside Emily. She pulled her across, allowing Emily to use her like a pillow, and her hand began to stroke Emily's hair to reassure her. Within seconds, Emily's breathing had regulated and JJ could tell she was relaxing.

“We've due to leave in an hour. I thought you would want time to get ready.” JJ said once Emily had relaxed enough as way of explanation.

“Thanks.”

“Coffee?”

“Yeah.”

“I'll organize one.” JJ moved, and headed towards the door.

“I know I don't always say it enough, but thank you.” Emily said as JJ got to the door. JJ turned around, and slowly walked back to the room.

“I know this is going to be a challenging time for me.” Emily carried on, afraid if she stopped she wouldn't say what she need to, “It might not have for the duration I've had before, but being out in the field like that, it takes its toll and I didn't have the same support. I was finally beginning to move on after moving to the BAU, but this......this has set me back JJ. You need to understand I'm going to be different. I'm asking you to give me time to adjust.”

“I can't understand what you've been through, but I'm not naive enough to believe this wouldn't affect you, so I expected this is going to have some sort of effect.” JJ replied softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I know its all a bit hazy, but when we were at the boathouse and you asked about my gun, you sounded so angry. Why?” Emily questioned.

“I was angry at you, Doyle...... the whole situation.” JJ drew a breath and ran her hands through her hair. “I'm not even sure why, it just seemed after all the planning, all the sacrifices, you did something reckless.”

“Reckless?” Emily looked as confused as she sounded.

“Going after Doyle alone.”

“And?” Emily prompted, knowing JJ was holding something back,

“I found this.” JJ pulled the picture she had found in the apartment in Lucerne out of her pocket.

“Ah.” Emily blushed, “I.....”

“So much for security.” JJ admonished, “I don't know whether to be mad at you, or just a little embarrassed you had it.”

“Can we go with embarrassed?”

JJ could only laugh lightly, and shook her head. "Embarrassed it is."

 


	22. Walking back through the doors

**Chapter twenty two**

Hotch and Rossi settled at the rear of the plane, with Reid, Garcia and Morgan at the table. Emily and JJ sat on the couch.

“So, where did you go after you......” Reid hesitated.

“It's okay, you can say it.” Emily smiled. “I died.” Reid just nodded his head. “I went to London, Paris and I then went to Lucerne, where I've been pretty much ever since. I've had a couple of trips out to other countries to track leads, but only a couple of days at a time.”

“I still can't quite forgive you for doing this without us.” Morgan admitted.

“I know, and believe me, I thought I was protecting you. Now......” Emily sighed. “I should have known better, although, how did you find me?”

“Before or after JJ actually spilled the beans once we pushed it?” Garcia asked.

Emily looked at JJ, relief to know that she had been silent and didn't just bring the team in. She trusted JJ and Emily instinctively knew she hadn't violated that unless she had to but it was still good to have that confirmation.

“All of it.” Emily said.

“Well, you used an old phone, and I had already put a trace out on the numbers I had.”

“I got your message, in Boston.” Emily interrupted. “Thank you.”

“Oh.” Garcia fought back some tears, “As I was saying, I then tracked it to out of Lucerne to Quantico, and began to dig deeper. I found a communicate to JJ from London that was obviously about you and Doyle, and that's when we realized there was an operation going on that we didn't know about. We didn't know you were alive at that point.” Garcia began to explain. “I just then used my ever so persuasive powers.....”

“More like threatened the heck out of me.” JJ interrupted.

“Threaten is such an ugly word.” Garcia countered, “But I did warn you that we would carry on digging.”

“And you couldn't risk them finding out, so told them.” Emily began to piece together the events.

“Kinda, I spoke to Hotch, and we made the decision between us.” JJ acknowledged.

“So, we packed up, flew out here, went to your apartment, found you're files.” Garcia carried on.

“I should have known you would get in to my laptop.” Emily laughed lightly.

“Of course.” Garcia looked affronted that anyone could have doubted it. “So, we then pieced your movements to the café, and I finally found your encoded messages to Doyle about your rendezvous point and that the café was the place you were passing the messages from. We then found out about the boat house. So we went for a teddy bears picnic in the woods, much to JJ's displeasure I might add.. We had trackers on everyone, so I could direct from my laptop in the car to its location. JJ and Morgan were the sharp shooters, and from what I've heard, I don't want to piss JJ off when she has a gun in her hand. I knew she was good......but.......” Garcia flapped her hand across her chest, as if fanning it. “You kicked ass girlfriend.”

“I keep telling everyone,” JJ laughed. “But as we raided the boat house, Morgan was the one who dived in when we entered, after he saw you were face down in the water. Giving us all heart attacks in the process I might add.”

“And the rest, Ma Cherie, as they say is history!” Garcia finished with a flourish.

“I honestly thought I'd be angry if you had come to find me, but right now I've never been so relieved. I will never underestimate you all again.” Emily said with a wry smile.

“See, the girl has some sense.” Garcia smiled widely.

“How's Sergio?” Emily lent back in her seat as she asked JJ the question.

“He's fine.” JJ smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“Better than I did, bit stiff and sore, just relieved right now, but also a little anxious about how people are going to react to me being back.”

“Well, we'll worry about you being back as it happens and you're staying at mine for now.” JJ said, “For a start, you're apartment was stripped of everything, and it was put in storage. Although it was kept on, its all mothballed.”

JJ's voice sounded husky, and although low, it had carried. Hotch raised an eyebrow. He couldn't ever remember such a innocent conversation having so much sexual tension around it.

“Did I just imagine that?” Rossi leaned forward to whisper to Hotch.

“I don't think you did.” Hotch admitted.

“Well, that might explain it.” Rossi half muttered to himself.

“Explain what?” Hotch questioned.

“When we drove back in the car from the boat house to the hotel in Lucerne. I knew Emily and JJ were close, but at the time I put it down to Emily needing JJ, and given their recent history with JJ helping Emily recuperate, it didn't seem unusual. But now...... I have to wonder?”

“I must admit, they did seem particularly close during that time after Boston. But we can't jump to conclusions.” Hotch said thoughtfully.

“I know, but it does all seem rather...... well obvious at the moment. Although I thought JJ was seeing Will still?”

“Thinking about it, she hasn't mentioned Will in a while, but I've been so wrapped up in trying to help Emily and keeping her safe as well as all the other cases we've had to deal with, I didn't question it.” Hotch frowned slightly.

“If, and it is just a supposed if, we are right, would you say anything?”

“Why would I?”

“Department policy.” Rossi reminded Hotch.

“Not a chance. We've been through a lot, and have often gone against policy if its the right thing to do. Yes, it is there for a good reason, and that's to try and keep us all objective, but lets face it, this team is already like a family, and we already struggle to maintain that objectivity if a situation arises. Both Emily and JJ have proven themselves countless times, and they both understand this job better than most, and neither would jeopardize it. I would be saying the same if it was Morgan and Garcia for example. Anyway, we have only just got this team back together, I am not about to rip it apart again especially if there is nothing in it. Besides, do you want a rampaging Garcia?”

Rossi looked thoughtful as he leant back. “Good point.” he conceded.

* * *

 

As they came through JJ's front door, bags were dropped, as Emily gently, but firmly pushed JJ against the nearest wall. The kiss was leisurely, Emily allowed her lips to linger, both she and JJ increasingly aware of the other, inhaling scent, breath, the air so thick it was tangible.

JJ allowed Emily access to her mouth, not just wanting, but needing to feel more. As tongues touched, tentatively at first, before JJ became bolder and pushed for more contact, Emily could feel her nipples harden, the material against them feeling coarse, her crotch becoming wet. She moaned, JJ feeling it in her own mouth, which in turn sensitized her even more. Eventually, they pulled apart, reluctant but needing to look at each properly.

“Wow.” Was all that escaped from JJ.

“That was......” Emily trailed off.

“Wow.” JJ repeated with a smile.

“I can safely say that our last kiss, our only kiss, was as good as I remember it, but this......” Emily brought her lips back down on to JJ's, before breaking off again. “This was something else.”

“Can we just remind ourselves again?” JJ's eyes held a mischievous look that was almost enough for Emily's knees to give away completely. “The place is ours tonight.” She then whispered seductively in Emily's ear. “You're not in too much pain are you?”

“Err.....” Emily desperately tried to get her brain to think logically enough to answer. “Its... fine.” and she dipped her head to kiss JJ to re-enforce the point.

 


	23. Loving you is easy

This is most certainly a M rated chapter..... Its not something I've normally written so I hope it works!

  **Chapter Twenty three**

The light was subtle, and Emily watched as it played across JJ's face, giving it an ethereal look she could never tire of seeing. Her eyes shone, and her mouth was open ever so slightly, giving her a look of expectation. Emily lightly traced the fingers of one hand across JJ's cheek, and with a small moan of surrender, JJ moved to kiss Emily again.

JJ felt dizzy as the emotion and feeling continued to build. She leaned in even more to Emily, desperate to get as close as possible. Emily's hands began to explore JJ's exposed skin, moving across her face, along her arms and then she snaked them around JJ's waist, moving to lift the shirt enough to get contact with her skin on her back. JJ couldn't contain another moan, as the kiss deepened. Emily's hand began to slowly move again, this time to cup JJ's ass, and JJ clung on to Emily's shirt front for dear life, afraid that if she didn't, her legs would give way.

Emily broke away from the kiss, and began to explore the same exposed areas her fingers had traced. She placed feather light kisses on JJ's cheeks, before kissing and trailing the tongue along behind JJ's ear. JJ shuddered at the sensation this caused, and pulled at Emily's hair, desperate to feel more. Emily, grinning slightly at JJ's reaction, began to move to the hollow of the collarbone area, and as she did so, JJ moved her own hands and placed them under Emily's shirt. Emily shivered at the feeling, but held her resolve to not become distracted. Then JJ pulled back ever so slightly, enough to move her hands around to the front, where they brushed up against the material of Emily's bra, her fingers lingering over the nipples that were already hard.

“Upstairs.” Was all Emily could muster, all coherency having fled her body.

They literally toppled through the bedroom doorway, kissing as they moved. Emily managed to steer them towards the bed, and JJ felt the edge of it against the back of her knees, which in turn allowed her to sink backwards, with Emily alongside her. Emily propped herself up on one elbow and slowly ran a finger down JJ's neck, once again having started at the cheek, savoring the reactions with delight. JJ moved to capture Emily's mouth again, and she plunged her tongue against Emily's with wanton desire, their bodies rubbing lithely against each other. As they then pulled apart again, Emily had finally lost the power of speech, and realized that one of her hands had found itself on JJ's thigh, moving to remove the barriers of the the clothes she wore. JJ moved, and she began to also undo the buckle on Emily's belt. Fingers fumbled, but eventually she managed to loosen it, and she then made short work of loosening the top button and bringing the zipper down, and without preamble, JJ slid her hand in, feeling the wetness and heat as she went, passing the barrier of the panties. Emily's train of thought was now completely derailed, as JJ huskily whispered "Make love to me."

Emily's stomach flipped and in that second, she suddenly knew what true love was about, how nothing could have prepared her for this moment. With exquisite care, Emily began to undress JJ, showering kisses on skin as she exposed it, JJ's body arching up, desperate to feel more, but Emily held her back enough to taunt her.

“Patience.” Emily whispered, eliciting a shiver from JJ, and Emily finally pressed her pelvis against JJ's. JJ in turn could feel every movement from the kisses amplified as throbbing between her legs. With the lightest of sounds, that made the hair stand up on the back of Emily's neck, JJ shifted position as Emily began to kiss her way down the hollow to her breasts.

“Please, let me touch you.” JJ growled, as frustration began to build.

“Not before you let me taste you.” Emily replied softly in response, making JJ moan uncontrollably all semblance of control having now left her body. Emily tongue drew slow circles around the center of one of JJ's breasts, as her hand moved to cup the other one.

“You're killing me here.” JJ managed to gasp.

Emily in turn gasped at the nubby texture of the nipple against her palm, replaced her mouth with her other hand, and paused to look at JJ with half slit eyes. "You're so amazingly beautiful."

Finally, they were both naked and Emily trailed her hair along JJs body sure she could see the skin rippling underneath from the sensation, until they were again face to face, marvelling at how their bodies fit together. Emily then dragged her fingers along the inside thigh of JJ who gasped, her legs opening involuntarily.

Emily fought to maintain control, and she began to move her kisses down JJ's stomach, whose hips once more tipped upwards, desperate for more contact. Without a second thought, Emily ran two fingers across JJ's labia, and found her hardened clit, and she brushed it as lightly as she dared. JJ whimpered, as the wetness flooded her even more. Emily moved her head down to join her fingers, and she began to lick across the nub, marveling in the responses her actions were creating.

“Please.” was all JJ could muster. Emily couldn't hold back any longer, and fingers plunged in to JJ's warm core, feeling the walls tighten almost instantly and JJ couldn't hold back and came.

Emily was so aroused she couldn't perceive much except that JJ had pulled her in to a kiss. The kiss changed, and the kisses began to move around her body, JJ's tongue flicking at various places to increase the torture. It amazed her how little vocalization had occurred, how she and JJ had been almost silent, and this seemed to add to the intensity.

And now there was no sound in the room but their breathing, and the occasional sucking sound as JJ consumed Emily, who could feel her orgasm building and was desperate to feel more.

“Please.” It was now Emily's turn to beg in the same way JJ had just a short time earlier, but JJ seemed to want to continue what she was doing, and Emily grabbed her hair, trying to reinforce her need, which only served to increase JJ's action. Her tongue began to probe not just her clit, but her whole being, flicking in and out, sensing as Emily coiled tighter, trying not to lose control. JJ felt the change, subtle but unmissable, and without warning plunged two fingers in to Emily, who lost the last shred of her grip on reality and came so hard that her body slammed back against the bed and a low, animal sound escaped from her throat.

Later, as they lay in a tangled heap on the bed, energy spent, JJ's fingers trailed around the raised scarring from the branding inflicted by Doyle on Emily.

“Remember when we first talked about this, do you intend to have the plastic surgery now?” JJ asked quietly, her fingers continuing their ministrations.

“I don't think so.” Emily sounded a little unsure, “I guess, I still want to remember why I did what I did, right or wrong in my choices, it doesn't matter, it was, and still is, about keeping someone safe from evil.”


	24. Returning to real life

**The following chapter** , I cannot take credit for a Garcia line. It was something that Kirsten V. herself said in interview and I loved it – so had to include it.

**Chapter twenty four**

"Emily, are you okay?" JJ had once again woken Emily, and was looking worried.

"Yeah, just...... I'm fine." Emily said, but JJ could see, every word she said, was said through a sea of pain and turmoil.

“You don't look fine to me sweetheart.” JJ said honestly.

“While I was away, all I wanted to do was hold you, more than that, I wanted you to hold me.” A sob escaped Emily's lips as she spoke. “After we said goodbye in Paris, I was barely holding it together. I felt as if I was betraying you, all of you – I still feel as if I've betrayed you all. I wondered, could we ever have a life, and if we do, is it ever going to be normal, because of what we see. Can I give you the love you deserve?” There was another flash of pain on Emily's face, but she controlled it quickly.

“Don't underestimate the power of love you give Emily. I......” JJ hesitated as she tried to find the words, “I've never experienced the tightening of my chest, or the way my heart races when I look at you. And I see how you watch me, and I can't always believe that I bring that out of you. Your face says a thousand words, and I know what we have is right. It might sound strange, but we simply bring joy to each other. I don't think many people, many couples can say that. We've made love, its not just sex. Its a damn important distinction. Its been amazing and yet so natural being with you, as if we've always known each other like this, but the surprise is, we haven't. It truly is like nothing I've ever had in my life, and you brought me this.........so, we will just take what we have, and learn to grow with it. What we've just faced has been a unique situation, one neither of us could predict, and yet, we found each other because of it.”

“I was terrified I'd never see you again, that I wouldn't see anyone else in my life who was important again and I'm still terrified by it all.” Emily whispered, “Please, just hold me.”

* * *

 

Hotch stiffened as Strauss began to read his file and her face looked angry.

“I'm completely at a loss here Agent Hotchner. I find it hard to accept that one of my agents was out in the field like this, was presumed dead by all around here, and now you're telling me Agent Prentiss is alive, well and due to begin working again tomorrow. I will not allow it!”

“You'll not allow what?” Hotch looked down on Strauss and could now feel the anger radiating from her and while he knew what Strauss had meant, he was damned if he was going to make it easy for her.

“Isn't it obvious? I will not allow Agent Prentiss back. If she had any sort of decency, she would have at least come to me to sanction this operation. Instead, she choose to go to you and ride roughshod over the chain of command, and therefore the department; it cannot go unpunished. Do not believe you are not going to be looking at a reprimand for your part in all of this.”

“With all due respect Ma'am, this operation wasn't sanctioned because you would never have allowed it. On this occasion, it went via the Pentagon, not the Bureau.”

“Who authorized it at the Pentagon.” Strauss demanded. “I want to talk to them.”

“You can,” Hotch motioned towards the door. “It was Jennifer Jareau. It looks like you're insistence to push her out to another department to feed your ego, also allowed her to take the decision because she completely outranked you, so good luck with that. It just goes to show, be careful what you wish for.” and without a second glance, Hotch walked out of Strauss's office, confident she wouldn't and couldn't take it further. 

* * *

 

Emily dragged herself out of bed, aware that JJ was not only already up, but had left for work to begin her assignments. Not before a good morning wake up call that still left Emily with small aftershocks running through her body. Because she was still feeling the effects of the battle with Doyle, Emily decided that she needed to stretch out her body, get rid of some cobwebs. So she fumbled for her clothes, grateful that JJ had taken the time and given the thought to bring her things back from Switzerland. Rummaging around, she found a pair of running shorts and a top, which she wasted no time in getting in to. Checking her running shoes, Emily first did some light stretches fighting off the urge to get going too early, before heading out the door. Setting off at a steady pace, Emily didn't have her iPod with her, like she had previously, noting already the difference in how she was reacting to her morning run. Normally, she would take care, varying her routine and taking precautions, but never to extremes. Now she felt exposed, vulnerable to attack at any moment, and she didn't want the possible distraction of music in her ears, even though she had done it so often over the last few years after being posted at the BAU. With the thoughts weighing her down, Emily found she had finished her run, and breathing deeply, she entered the house again, where she grabbed a small towel she'd left in the hallway to wipe her neck and face down. She then walked through to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, before putting fresh coffee on. As she sat down at the table, she couldn't help feel almost as tense as before she had left, and began to question whether the run had done more harm than good.

Finally, Emily couldn't put it off any longer, and made her way through the corridors of the BAU with some apprehension. She just felt tense, like every fiber of her being was tightly wound up. As she walked people stared at her like they had seen a ghost. She stopped at the lift and waited and as she did so she heard two people whispering behind her, "Is that Prentiss?" she was sure one of them muttered. Emily turned around and glared at them and they scurried off without another word.

She finally reached the bullpen where Morgan was already sitting at his desk, and Reid was playing with something, she hadn't a clue what. She breathed deeply and stepped towards her own desk. She couldn't believe the guys had her desk ready, as if she hadn't ever left. She looked up, and both Morgan and Reid just grinned.

“Thanks guys.” Emily said, feeling choked up, before she sat down, tears pricking the corner of her eyes.

Later that same day where Emily had managed to stay at her desk, and avoid the questioning stares that some were still giving as they walked through the bullpen area, Emily got up, knocked and walked in to Garcia's office. “Hey, can you spare a few minutes.”

“Sure sweetheart,” Garcia swirled around. “Pull up a chair.”

“Thanks...... look I've been meaning to ask, and I can't put it off any longer. Before I went away, I was talking to JJ, and we got in to a conversation, and she let slip you'd told her I was gay and I wanted to clear the air.”

“Oh......” Seeing Emily's face, Garcia misread it completely. “God, you're not? I could have sworn.....” She was stopped as Emily put a hand up.

“Whoa, slow down.........I am.” Emily said, “Gay that is.” She then clarified.

“Ohhhhhhh I knew it!” Garcia exclaimed, “I just knew it!”

“How?” Emily wanted to know.

“Sweetie, you're as queer as a purple unicorn singing Madonna!”

“Purple...... unicorn?” Emily looked completely bemused.

“Yes, so spill, who is she?”

“Whose who?” Emily replied, looking confused.

“Don't you start with the innocent look. What with JJ with the 'I've got laid' look on her face, but not talking to me about it, and you,” Garcia jabbed a pen at Emily, “I've been keeping an eye on to make sure you're okay, and apart from glaring at anyone who dares look in your direction the wrong way, which I expected by the way, what I didn't expect at other times was you look like the cat whose stolen the crea........” Garcia's voice trailed off. “Oh......no....... you're not....... you are!” Garcia screeched.

“What? No...... no...... look, get whatever gutter bus you're mind has just hopped on board to change direction.” Emily said frantically and was never as grateful as that moment when JJ opened the door.

 


	25. The cases don't stop

**Chapter Twenty five**

“Conference room now, we've caught a case.” JJ said urgently, noting the atmosphere in the room, but was too involved with the new case to worry about it there and then as Emily rushed out behind her.

“Hey you two.....” Garcia's voice trailed off in to thin air as she realized that she was talking to an empty space. “You've not got away with this, by a long shot, I will find out what is going on between you both. And Gutter bus!” Garcia complained as she gathered her things up before heading to the conference room. “I would never ride a gutter bus.”

“What was that baby doll?” Morgan asked, overhearing Garcia as she walked past him.

“Would I ever ride the gutter bus?” Garcia asked.

“Why, sure you would kitten.” Morgan grinned, and slapped Garcia on the backside as they walked. “Most people just go in the gutter, you on the other hand, have to always do it your way. You invented it!”

“What's a gutter bus?” Reid asked looking nonplussed.

“If you have to ask.......” Morgan laughed as they entered the conference room, immediately sobering when they saw the expression on JJ's face.

“Bad one huh?” Morgan asked as they sat down.

“Aren't they always.” JJ sighed, “but yeah, this one isn't great.”

“Okay, so what have we got JJ?” Hotch walked in to the room, and JJ immediately got down to business.

“Its right here in Prince William County,.” JJ turned and brought some information up on screen. “They have four victims in all. The latest victim just today and whoever is doing this, is doing it fast. Its been over just 72 hours” JJ changed the pictures to bring up some crime scene ones. “All of the bodies have been discovered in Battlefield park.”

“Wow, that is fast.” Morgan said airing the surprise that was obvious on everyone's faces.

“All children?” Reid looked up from his file.

“No, actually, despite their looks, they are all are young men, age ranges between 18 and 20.” JJ looked across. “And not one has been reported missing.”

“They all look younger.” Emily looked up, “Are you sure these are older?”

“Absolutely. And all have fallen through the cracks of society, and become homeless drifters. Daniel Stark, the first victim had a drink and drug problem, Otis Denning, the second victim was a known prostitute, as was the third victim, Lemar Still.” JJ paused, “We're still waiting for full information on the last victim, Ramon Sanchez, I've been told it should be at the station once we get there. All appear to have been strangled, and are either black or mixed race.”

“Sexual motive?” Rossi asked looking across.

“It looks like it, but because two of the three were known male prostitutes, we don't know for sure if it was consensual at this stage.”

“Lets get to the station.” As Hotch stood up, they all began to follow.

As Emily, JJ and Reid were walking out of the bureau to get in one suburban, with Morgan, Rossi and Hotch having already gone to another, Emily suddenly stopped mid-stride and glared around her. “What?” She demanded, “Have I got a bright red cross on my back? A fucking target?”

“Emily.....” JJ moved to be near her, but was completely ignored.

“Hell yeah, I'm back and its from the dead people.” Emily's tirade began, as people in the vicinity began to shift about awkwardly. “If you, any of you, have something to say about it, say it to me!” and with that, walked off, shrugging JJ's hand off her shoulder as she went, saying “Don't.” as she did so.

“Let her go.” Reid walked over, seeing how upset and hurt JJ looked. “It's bound to have an affect.”

“I know, but this Spence?” JJ turned and looked at him completely at a loss. “This isn't what I expected.”

JJ stood, looking across at Emily, who had all but ignored her on the journey over to the police station. She sighed, before turning back to the task in hand. “As I was saying Detective Timms, thank you for inviting us.”

“No, thank you. Here is the other file you wanted on Ramon Sanchez, and call me Bill, please.” JJ took the file with a nod of her head.

“If I may?” Reid asked, and JJ handed to file to him to begin reading.

“Is there anything you can tell me?” Bill frowned, looking worried.

“Well, right now all we can say for sure is there is a pattern. It does remind us a lot of a William Bonin, who killed children and young men in California between 1979 and 1980 that we know of, but there are marked differences here.” Reid said, without looking up.

“When will you be able to give my men a profile?”

“Just as soon as we can.” Hotch motioned for Morgan and Prentiss to come over. “Morgan, Prentiss, can you go to the newest crime scene. Reid and I will stay and go through some more files. JJ can you talk to the local press, asking we don't report this yet.”

“Sure.” Morgan nodded, “Lets go.” he then looked across at Emily, who once again pointedly ignored JJ.

“Are you okay?” Morgan asked as he and Emily got in the car. “Its just you seem a little preoccupied.”

“I'm fine.” Emily replied brusquely.

“Huh.” Morgan started the vehicle, before looking across at Emily. “Sure you are.” He said quietly, but knew it wasn't the time to push it. Emily meanwhile just looked out of the window.

* * *

 

JJ walked through to the rest room, having seen Emily arrive back and disappear in there. As she walked in, Emily looked up from the sink where she had splashed water on her face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” JJ asked softly as she walked over to stand alongside Emily.

“Nothing to talk about.” Emily grabbed some towels to pat her face down.

“Are you angry with me for some reason?” JJ asked.

“No.” Emily shook her head, but JJ could tell her reply was forced. “I'm fine, just a bit strung out, first case back and all.” Emily tried to send a reassuring smile.

“I....” JJ put her hand out and held Emily's arm. “Do you blame me for something then?” JJ sounded hurt, and Emily immediately felt remorseful.

“No, its just..... I feel a little out of control of my life right now. I've spent so long lately being in such total control, and......” Emily faltered.

“And what?” JJ's touch was tender, and for the first time since the start of the conversation, Emily looked right at JJ.

“I have you to worry about now.” Emily finally admitted. “It scares the heck out of me and I'm angry at myself because of it. I'm angry at the world for allowing these sick bastards to walk the earth who make me feel scared. Hell, I'm just angry.”

Before anything more could be said, a female detective walked in, breaking the moment.

“I've got to get back.” Emily smiled slightly at JJ before walking out in to the detectives office, while JJ looked on feeling helpless, because she had seen the raw emotion flicker across Emily's face as she'd spoken, and for the first time since she and Emily had been together after the death of Doyle, JJ sensed the real fear she could lose Emily, and she felt the blood drain from her face. She was still staring uncomprehendingly after Emily when her phone rang.

“Spencer can we talk?” Emily asked as she found him alone.

“Yeah, sure.” Reid looked up from the book he was reading.

“I.....” Emily hesitated, “I didn't know who else to turn to.” She finally admitted. “You're the only one I think can understand.”

Reid put his book away, and sat up more. “I'll do what I can.”

“Its just, you know...... you went through stuff after Hinkel. We all have effects from cases that linger, but I know the signs, its why I gave you a bit of a hard time back then. I'm struggling with things now I've got back.”

“Like what?” Reid asked gently.

“I feel angry, out of control. I didn't want to die Spence, but I honestly thought I would.” Emily ran her hands through her hair. “Its nothing, yet everything right now.”

“It's not surprising. Are you seeing anyone about it? Professionally that is?”

“I promised someone I would and Hotch insisted I did, but it just seems too raw right now, too soon.” Emily admitted. “I could never let my guard down for a second while I was away and right now I'm finding it hard to lift that feeling. And it isn't helped that I'm getting in to a relationship. It was something that sort of developed right before I had to go, and now I'm back, we're exploring what we've got and don't get me wrong, its wonderful. Its nothing I've ever had before....... but its also scary. I'm having to deal with all the turmoil in my head from being away, and also trying to reconcile that against a new relationship. Great timing huh!”

“Do I know her?” Reid asked innocently.

“Pardon?” Emily looked shocked, and Reid suddenly realized what he had said.

“Oh...... I just...... Garcia said.......” Reid spluttered.

“I should have known.” Emily let out a light laugh. “And its okay Spence, it is a woman.”

“Right.” Reid didn't know what else to say, “So, your in this new relationship, as well as having to deal with issues from being away.”

“Yeah.....” Emily trailed off. Almost as if she'd realized she had said too much, Emily stood up quickly. “Thanks Spence.” was all she said, before moving to walk away.

“I'm not quite sure what I've done to help, but you're welcome.” Reid stood up as well, “And you know where I am.”

Emily just nodded brusquely before walking off, fighting back her emotions.


	26. Closure

**Chapter twenty six**

Emily finally felt the pain and emptiness inside of her bubble into the first sob. Once she started crying she could not stop and she sat dazedly behind the wheel of the vehicle, where she was finally alone. She turned the key, but couldn't drive off, so then put her head down on the steering wheel, closing her eyes and trying to come to terms with everything that had happened in the last twelve hours. She jumped as there was a light tap on the side window.

“Let me in.” Was the simple request from JJ, who stood out on the sidewalk. Wordlessly Emily nodded and JJ walked around and hopped in the passenger side.

“Are you even still talking to me?” Emily asked.

“Of course, and I could state the obvious, you're gorgeous, and I love you unconditionally.” JJ reached out and her fingers interlaced with Emily's. “And you know, that does tend to say it all really.”

“I've never meant to hurt you.”

“I know that and you know what, I worry about protecting you as well, it's natural we are going to feel this way, its just you're feeling it more intensely because of the way things have been for you lately. It'll get better, I promise.” JJ tightened her fingers a little more, to re-enforce her point.

“I know. I need to sort this out properly. I thought it was too soon to see someone about it, but I can't let this carry one.” Emily looked across at JJ with a wry smile. “I've got too much to lose.”

JJ gave Emily the lightest of kisses on the lips, before beginning to open her door again. “Lets get back in there and sort this son of bitch out.”

As they moved to sit down with the rest of the team, it was relief on JJ's face, and for the first time in ages, she and Emily were able to look at each other and then neither of them seemed able to look away. It was a look of such hunger and intimacy that the others at the table started to feel as though they were intruding. JJ managed to tear her eyes away and concentrate on the matter in hand.

* * *

 

After three days where they had little time to sleep, let alone talk, all the team sat at the table in the usual bar they frequented, including Garcia, celebrating the successful capture of the Battlefield park Strangler as he had already become known. The usual sad background story was there, abusive childhood, including sexual abuse. Parental abandonment as a 10 year old, and he was then raised by his uncle, who was the sexual abuser at the time and so the list went on.

“Here's to another triple B, Bastard behind bars.” Morgan proposed the toast, already a little worse for wear.

“How do you do it?” JJ wanted to know as she sipped her drink.

“Do what?” Emily looked confused by the question.

“Hello, we've been here what,”” Garcia theatrically looked at her watch, “Five minutes, and you've got the barmaid practically gagging for it. Something we've missing?”

“Hey, I can't help it. I noticed she was doing the same with Morgan here.” Emily countered.

“Oh believe me girlfriend, that was a tiny little flirt at our very own chocolate hunk o' love.” Garcia said with a flourish, “You on the other hand..... she saw you, all bets were off and that was full out, 'I'm desperate for it, bite me' flirting.”

“No way.” Emily laughed.

“Yes way.” Even Reid chipped in.

“Oh c'mon you guys, not fair.” Emily looked around the sea of faces, and her eyes rested on Hotch and Rossi, who were just sitting back with amused expressions. “Well, aren't either of you going to say anything?” She then challenged.

“She does seem kind of cute,” Rossi pointed out, “You should go for it.”

“Be real careful what you say here, and I mean real careful!” JJ said with a mischievous look on her face.

“Oh come on. Grow up the lot of you.” Emily said, but with humor in her voice.

“There are grown ups here?” Garcia whipped her head around, looking and sounding outraged by the thought. “And thinking of grown up and therefore kiddies, when were you two children going to tell us?”

“Tell us what?” JJ looked worried.

“Oh as if.” Garcia sighed, “Right I've given you plenty of opportunity, now spill; how long have you two been together?”

“Your together?” Reid looked up from his drink.

“Yes..... no...... maybe.” JJ blabbed. “We're not going to get away with this are we.” JJ whispered to Emily, who just shook her head. JJ then looked up at the team. “Well, if you must know, Will and I split up ages ago.”

“And, okay we confess. But its early days yet.” Emily said with a smile. Her announcement was greeted by a round of cheers.

“Well this calls for further celebration.” Hotch stood up, “Next round is on me.”

“Is Hotch feeling okay? He's smiling, buying a round and not having a hissy fit about department regulations.” Garcia looked incredulous.

“It's amazing what being with your family can do.” Rossi said with a smile.

Emily had declared to everyone she wanted to dance, and without another word had got up, and JJ had watched entranced. It was the first time she'd really taken that much notice of Emily in this sort of situation. She was aware that she was a pretty good dancer, the sway of her hips seemed to slow down, JJ was so memorized.

“Come on.” Morgan broke the reverie, as he grabbed JJ by the arm, “Lets join her.”

Emily opened her eyes as she felt the presence of JJ by her. Without a second thought, her arm snaked out, pulling JJ closer who fell easily in to her rhythm.

“You're incredible.” Emily looked right at JJ, her eye lids heavy with desire, her pupils dilated and JJ was suddenly aware she and Emily were both incredibly aroused. JJ moved her arms up, clasping them around Emily's neck drawing her in closer sharing the same air to breath. JJ shivered as Emily's fingers caressed her spine, while her own hands tangled in Emily's hair. Then she became aware that the others were staring at them and just how it must of looked.

“Emily.” JJ tried to say.

“Ssshhh.” Emily interrupted, with a finger that pushed against JJ's lips. “We're just dancing.”

“Its more than that.” JJ managed to say, her thoughts interrupted further as Emily's tongue caressed her neck.

“I know.” Emily said with a satisfied sound to her voice.

“Oh god.”

“Hhmmm he isn't going to help much now,” Emily once again moved her tongue along JJ's neckline.

“Emily.” JJ managed to gasp, and she then heard a snigger from nearby. She looked up, and saw Garcia and Morgan with massive smiles across their faces.

“Lets get out of here.” Emily then grabbed JJ's hand, and before she could register what was going on, she was being hauled in to the rest room.

JJ was clinging to her values by the smallest of margins as Emily pushed her against a stall wall, before kissing her deeply. JJ emitted a low moan, and despite her reservations, she knew this wasn't the time or the place, and that Emily would be mortified in the morning.

“We...” JJ had managed to break the kiss, but was stopped again as Emily captured her lips and JJ might have managed to resist, except one of Emily's hands had found its way to her breasts, and was taking it in turns to lightly brush up against her nipples through the fabric of her top.

“You are drunk.” JJ forced herself to break contact again. “I don't want regret about this in the morning.”

“You're as turned on as I am.” Emily said softly, as if to re-enforce the point, and before JJ could move back further, Emily had deftly unbuttoned and unzipped her pants and JJ shook as Emily cupped her through her panties. With the last ounce of effort JJ possessed, she pushed herself away.

“God damn it, I want you.” JJ voice sounded husky, “But we've had a tough few days, and we've only just back on an even keel and I don't want to risk it again by doing this, not here, not now.”

Emily licked her lips, but stopped what she was doing.

“Okay.” Emily then began to walk away, deliberately throwing a look over her shoulder as she went making JJ moan softly to herself, “But don't say I didn't give you the opportunity.”

Later that night, JJ steered a very drunk Emily in to the bedroom, who was continually professing her love of JJ and Henry. JJ couldn't help but smile, but it suddenly turned to a frown.

“Gonna be sick.” Was all Emily could mutter and JJ just managed to get them to the toilet in time. JJ then got Emily across to the bed, and stripped her down and somehow managed to get her in to the shorts and top she wore in bed.

“Don't feel so good.” Emily murmured as she lay down grasping a pillow as if her life depended on it as she went. “And going to get help, talk to department shrink.” Emily then moaned in to the pillow, “God, don't feel well.”

“I know sweetheart, try and sleep.” JJ shifted position to lie alongside her, wrapping one arm around her protectively and they both drifted off to sleep.

 


	27. Family

**Chapter twenty seven**

Emily's first thought as she woke up was she was dying and she managed to get out of the bed and across to the toilet before her stomach let loose and she was violently sick. Her retching continued long after the stomach contents had been lost, but she was able to finally move around, sitting with her back resting against the toilet.

"You're up then."

Emily jerked her eyes up, seeing JJ leaning against the door jam.

"I'm dying here." Emily said, even the movement of looking at JJ was enough to start the pounding in her head again. "Please god, what did I drink last night? And I really don't need an audience to this humiliation."

"Well you had an audience last night." JJ said with a smirk.

"I what?" Emily sounded mortified.

"You don't remember?" JJ asked with an even bigger grin.

"No." Emily didn't even dare shake her head as she answered.

"Oh, well, just put it this way, you might want to get to Garcia before the pictures and video begin to appear in other peoples emails."

"Oh sweet Jesus." Emily felt the bile rising again, and had to turn around, grasping the bowl with both hands. "I'm never drinking again."

"I thought you were rather cute." JJ moved in the room more, and handed a bottle of water down to Emily. "Here, I thought you might need this." Emily mumbled her thanks as all her energy was taken trying to stop the retching again.

"You are enjoying this too much." Emily complained a few minutes later as she felt her stomach settling.

"It's not often I get to see Emily Prentiss like this, for someone usually so in control so out of control." JJ said, helping her up from the floor. "So its as much about fascination as enjoyment."

"Sadist."

JJ and Emily had the day off, and Emily spent a large proportion of it sleeping off her hangover. The next morning, she and JJ looked at each other, neither able to hide their own agitation.

"God we've faced countless killers, the worst of humanity. Now look at us, like a couple of nervous teenagers." JJ muttered, before she grabbed Emily's hand. "Let do this." as she knocked on the door. They entered when hearing the reply of "enter".

Hotch looked up, and didn't hide his surprise to see Emily and JJ standing in front of his desk. "A problem ladies?" He asked.

"Erm." JJ faltered, and looked even more worried. "When we told you about... us at the bar, you didn't say much and, well, we were wondering what is going to happen. At work?"

Hotch put his pen down carefully and settled back in his chair. "I don't have a problem with you together. I planned to call you in today at some point to talk about this anyway. I don't intend to make an issue out of this, unless it becomes one. I know you're both discreet enough at work, and I also trust your judgements out in the field. But if there is even the slightest sign it is affecting your work or impropriety, it will have to be looked at again. Since Rossi effectively wrote the manual about inter-work relationships, and also has no problems with this, we can and will also defend you against Strauss should that need arise."

As Hotch finished talking, Emily and JJ both visibly relaxed.

"Thank you." Emily said with a smile. "We won't let you down."

"I don't expect you will. Now, if that's all." Hotch stopped as Emily put a hand up.

"I need to tell you I'm going to talk to a shrink. I know it's department policy anyway, but what I went through needs more than that. It's not easy for me to admit, but I need the extra help. I thought it only fair I tell you."

"I appreciate you telling me," Hotch smiled, "It saves me having to order you to do this. Is it within the department?"

"No," Emily admitted, "I thought it best to go outside the FBI for this, for more specialized help." 

JJ smiled as Hotch nodded again, "So, if that really is all?" Hotch effectively dismissed them, and they walked out without another word, knowing all that was needed had been said.

"How did it go?" Garcia came tumbling out of her office when she saw them on the monitors leaving Hotch's office.

"What?" JJ said.

"God, you two. You have Hotch hearing about you in the bar, yet nothing is said, and I see you both going in to his office first thing before anyone else has arrived for work." Garcia rolled her eyes and shook her head as she spoke. "You two are such hard work! So... I will ask again, how did it go?"

"Fine." JJ smiled.

"By the way, I hear some pictures and video were taken the other night." Emily piped up.

"Yes, indeed," Garcia said confidently, "Ideal material if I ever need it in the future."

"You do that, and I swear to god I will kill you." Emily said quietly.

"Now that isn't the kind of threat you should be making right now." Garcia said in a sing song voice, as she turned her back and began walking to her office.

"I am going to kill her." Emily mumbled. "I can think of a thousand ways."

"She won't do anything," JJ assured her, "She loves you too much.

"She has a damned funny way of showing it."

Later that day, Emily walked in to JJ's office to do with work, and was surprised when JJ looked up, and asked Emily to close the door.

"Hey, what's up?" Emily asked, as she held back from giving JJ a hug, knowing they were in line of sight of the security camera.

"I was thinking..." JJ started, as Emily sat in the chair on the other side of her desk. "We really need to talk to Will about this, about us. Or at least I do."

Emily nodded. "I know." she acknowledged. "Do you want me to be there?"

"I don't know." JJ answered honestly. "One part of me thinks it'll likely be best if I do it alone, but I also think I'll need the moral support."

"Well, how about I'm there, but stay out of the way." Emily suggested.

"I'd like that. Will is due in town this weekend. No time like the present." JJ said as she lifted the phone up, "I'll call him now to say I need to talk to him, see if he can't come up a day early.”

* * *

 

Later that week, JJ opened the front door nervously. "Hey." Will walked in, and gave JJ a quick hug. "You look good." He said with a lopsided smile.

"Thanks." JJ walked through to the sitting room. "And thanks for coming early to talk to me."

"Is Henry asleep?" Will asked as he sat down on a chair.

"Yeah, Emily's upstairs in case he wakes up so we're not interrupted."

Will just looked across. "So, you wanted to talk to me."

"I needed to say something to you, it isn't going to be easy, but you've got a right to know, because this is going to affect Henry."

"You're seeing someone." Will interrupted, his voice quiet.

"Yeah." JJ was so surprised, she couldn't say anything else.

"I can't say its a surprise, do I know him?"

"You know her." JJ watched as the look of astonishment crossed Will's face.

"Her..." Will got up and began to pace, his hands running through his hair. "I admit chère I wasn't expecting that."

"Please, Will, sit down." JJ pleaded and sighed with relief as Will nodded slightly before he sat down again. "I don't know how to say this. I..."

"I knew, that if you hadn't fallen pregnant, we would never had gotten as far as we did." Will broke JJ's train of thought. "I've often wondered if I was just a phase, didn't think it would be such a dramatic phase." Will laughed slightly as the thought struck him, "but I knew I was never the true love of your life. A girl like you, you're so intense and that was always just missing." Will looked up purposely making sure JJ got his point. "I hope she makes you happy chère, I really do."

"I'm so sorry." JJ whispered, as a tear rolled down her cheek unchecked. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know," Will got up and walked over to JJ, where he squatted down in front of her, his thumb gently wiping the tear away. "I just want you to be happy, and I won't deny I wanted us to be a family, together properly, but I'll take what I can get and I know you're not going to deny me seeing Henry, and I know you didn't cheat on me, that's more important at the moment. And...I'm going to go now, you need to be with her, not me and since she's only upstairs..." his voice tailed off.

JJ's head snapped up. "How did you..."

"I'm not stupid," Will said softly as he shrugged "I won't say it doesn't hurt at all, but I'll be okay. I'll see Henry tomorrow as planned." 

JJ lent back in to the door once she'd closed it having said goodbye. Emily came down the stairs as she heard it click shut.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked softly as she walked over to envelope JJ in a hug.

"He guessed it was you." JJ admitted, burrowing in to Emily's shoulder. "He knew, and gave us his blessing and yet I still feel like a grade A shit for doing this to him."

"He's a good man, that's why. Its always easier when they are assholes, Will might have his faults, but he is still a good man." Emily pulled JJ closer. "And it shows you're one of the good guys, who cares about how other feel. Its one of the things I love most about you, your compassion." She whispered in to JJ's hair, as she felt the front of her shirt dampen from the tears. After a few minutes, JJ pulled away.

"Sorry about that." She laughed at herself, before walking through to grab some tissues out of a box. "I guess its all caught up on me."

"And about time." Emily said softly. "Honestly, you talk about me, but you've been through just as much in a totally different way, and even just dealing with work knowing about us, and then Will in such short order is going to take its toll. Let alone me being such a jerk."

JJ looked across, with red rimmed eyes and smiled. "You a jerk? Yeah, I can see that! " JJ teased, before turning serious again. "Well, this is as good a place to start looking forward, not behind us." and walked back across for a hug, this time without tears.

 


	28. Epilogue

**A/N** So this is M rated. I hope I do the ending justice, and I want to thank anyone who has read and hopefully enjoyed the story.

**Epilogue**

_“When good Americans die, they go to Paris.”_  
 _― Oscar Wilde_

**Six months later**

“Are you sure about this?” JJ asked the question, lying in to Emily's arms looking up at the night sky as the muffled roar of the evening traffic filtered up.

“Absolutely.” Emily nodded. “Will has offered, and we both knew we didn't want Henry to be an only child. It makes sense that we keep the same parents, at least genetically. And you did say I would make a great mother even if its you who is going to be the snappy one for the duration.”

“Hey.” JJ punched Emily on the arm, “I'm not that bad, I was only grumpy for, I dunno, eight months last time. But I would do it without hesitation for us, I love you.” JJ murmured.

“Just so you don't forget that.....” Emily paused as she drew JJ closer, and captured lips with her own hungrily. JJ's entire body felt strung out, vibrating with desire. Emily grabbed at JJ's top.

“You're wearing too much.” Emily broke away from the kiss just enough to whisper the words and she hooked her fingers on to the hem before pulling it upwards, as JJ tipped her head back, allowing Emily to remove it. “Still too much.” Emily muttered, and her fingers quickly dispatched the bra. Emily dipped her head, and her tongue snaked down from JJ's neck, around her breast, before capturing an engorged nipple, causing JJ to gasp and she could only grapple with Emily's hair, her voice momentarily lost. Sensing JJ's need, Emily moved and began the same ministrations on her other nipple, and her hand stirred, her palm covered the nipple that had been left exposed. Emily ground her hand, as she sucked.

“So, do you want me?” Emily moved her mouth away, but continued to massage with her hand. Without waiting for an answer, she dipped her head and began kissing down JJ's stomach, and her free hand began to unbutton JJ's jeans. JJ was still so overwhelmed by the sensations Emily was causing, she could only manage a moan.

With deliberate care, Emily stopped what she was doing, and moved away, and JJ's eyes snapped open at the loss of contact.

“So, do you want me?” Emily repeated the question cupping JJ's face with her hands.

“God I want you.” JJ locked eyes with Emily, and she moved in, grabbing the edge of Emily's top, which she also lifted, and was rewarded with a black lacy bra, against which nipples strained, obvious desperate to be released. She brought her mouth down, sucking through the fabric, eliciting a garbled utterance out of Emily. “I want you, and I'm going to have you.” JJ added as she moved to begin undoing the bra and removing all other clothes at the same time, before traversing her tongue down Emily's torso, deliberately avoiding the areas that she knew her motion was most wanted. Emily arched her back, moving her hips trying to increase the contact with JJ, who steadfastly refused to bend to her will. Instead, she ran her nails lightly, but with enough contact to make Emily shudder along her calves, up towards her thighs, but then rested them lightly on the outside of her thighs, just below the hips.

Breast rested against breast, nipples hardened even more than JJ or Emily thought possible, both having surges of arousal course through them.

“I don't know how much....” Emily's words were cut off by JJ's hand covering her mouth. She then moved and without preamble, pushed two fingers through the wet folds, before her fingers stilled in position.

“What are you doing.” Emily mumbled, her hips involuntarily trying to gain movement.

“Taking what's mine.” JJ growled, making Emily quiver further. As she spoke, her thumb began to rub against Emily's clit, and her fingers moved, languidly.

“Fuck.” Emily grabbed JJ's hips and tried to increase the contact between her bodies.

“Oh I intend to achieve that tonight.” JJ whispered the torment in Emily's ear, before increasing the rhythm of her fingers, curling them slightly hitting the spot that she knew would tip Emily over the edge and right on the moment she began to feel Emily's release, she pushed a third finger in to join the others, causing Emily to cry out JJ's name.

As they lay there, Emily found she was still shuddering from the aftershocks of what had happened. Emily's hands began to slowly move across JJ's exposed back, and they kissed, slowly, licking each other's lips, before the kiss became more bruising. Emily's hand came up, and ran through JJ's hair, before coming down across the collarbone, and with deliberate care, she flicked her thumbs across JJ's nipples. She feathered kisses from her ear, across the jaw, and eventually began the descent down, as JJ watched, always fascinated as to how her body reacted to Emily's touch, who seemed determined to ignore JJ's nipples as her tongue traced patterns all over exposed skin, but not where JJ needed to feel it most.

“Touch me.” JJ hadn't meant for it to sound as if she was begging, but she couldn't help it.

“I think this qualifies as touching you.” Emily replied, knowing it was maddening JJ even more as the tongue traced down, pausing to circle around the stomach, where Emily could feel the ripples running through JJ's body. As she moved further south, she could feel and smell JJ's wetness, and that set Emily's arousal levels up even further. She fought the inner battle to just taste there and then, wanting to make this last as long as was humanly possible. She looked up, and JJ stared back at her, both with looks of longing so intense it made them both shake inside.

“Mouth.” was all JJ could mutter, and she was rewarded and Emily parted the heavy lips below, and her tongue came out, just touching the engorged clitoris, which she then began to suck on. Her actions elicited a sharp gasp from JJ, whose head fell back, and her fingers dug in to the back of Emily. Her fingers dug in even more as Emily's tongue began to flick against the bud, while she sucked. At that moment, everything else fell away from them both, it was as if the world around them didn't exist. JJ opened her legs wider, wanting more, and as Emily heard the low primal animal sound escaping from JJ, she knew that any more and JJ would tip over that edge, so pushed two fingers in, and was immediately rewarded by the tightening of the muscles around them. Without stopping the ministrations of her tongue, Emily slowly moved her fingers, and waves rolled again and again through JJ, until she felt the shocks beginning to lessen but she still kept her fingers inside, not wanting to lose the contact until she absolutely had to. She slowly looked up, and JJ opened stunned eyes. “I love and adore you.” Emily found herself saying, and was surprised to feel a tear rolling down her cheek as she spoke.

They lay back sated, on the large outdoor mattress that was left on the rooftop of the rented apartment, as the lights of the city reflected all around them. A small ornate iron balcony was behind them, and despite being outside, the rooftop was so secluded, no others looked out over it. With a sigh, JJ snuggled down, as Emily pulled the lightweight blanket they had with them across their bodies, as the night air chilled their exposed skin. An empty champagne bottle lay haphazardly on its side, as did the glasses they had recently drunk from. Discarded clothes were also scattered about. As Emily stroked JJ's hair, their thoughts were broken by the ring of a mobile phone.

“Leave it.” Emily huskily whispered. “We're on vacation, remember!” JJ glanced at the caller display, and looked up.

“I can't leave it.” She said, before showing Emily who was calling. “You know what will happen if I do, we'll be dead!”

With a sigh, Emily nodded, and JJ put it on speaker phone.

“So, have you made out under the Eiffel tower yet?” Came Garcia's rushed inquiry.

At the question, both began laughing, as they looked across to the view the rooftop afforded, the Eiffel tower lit up, its top beacon shining like a laser through the night sky, just as some thunder rumbled, and the sky was lit up with some lightening and the world axis had righted itself.

“Not quite under it.” JJ murmured.

* * *

 

 **A/N** – this last scene was partly inspired by the story beginning, but also because of a picture of an excellent photographer I know, who is currently doing a book of nudes in Paris (Mes Petites Femmes De Paris). She was there in May, I've seen a number of preview pictures, and it was those that also gave me the idea on how to end this story.

So thank you Renée Jacobs for some inspiring pictures.

 


End file.
